No Consequences

As I was eating inappropriately for my diabetic condition to celebrate Thanksgiving, I realized something important about myself. In fact, I had what Bob Mayer would call a “moment of enlightenment”.

I have, as you may or may not know (or care), been trying to move forward in my life with varying degrees of success. After all, I’m more than half way through this thing now. I’d better get with the program if I’m going to actually be the kind of person I want to be, and achieve what I want to achieve. You only have so much time for do-overs before the referee blows the whistle and calls the game finished.

This weekend, in a moment of stunning clarity, I realized what has been keeping me from moving towards my goals. I realized why I hesitate to do the hard work. Are you ready? Here it is:

When it comes right down to it, all I REALLY want is to be able to do anything I want to do and have there be absolutely no consequences whatsoever.

I want to be able to eat anything I want to eat and never gain weight or have high blood sugar. I want to be able to buy whatever I want and yet still get out of debt. Better yet, I want to be able to buy whatever I want to buy and still have way more money than I can spend. I want to be able to play computer games or read or just loaf around the house eating bon-bons and still be a writer. I want to have as many books published as Nora Roberts, but I want them to magically appear on my computer.

In other words, I just want to be able to do what I want when I want and still have the results be what I want them to be. I want there to be no consequences. This has been my true overarching goal and I have worked diligently to achieve it for years. Is that so wrong?

Well, yes. As a matter of fact it is. Because there are consequences. There are always consequences. And the results of this plan of action are not always what you would wish them to be.

So now here I am, recognizing this, and realizing that I must change or I’m just going to be treading water for the rest of my life and probably end up selling pencils from a tin can on the street corner, telling everyone I meet about how I wrote a book once and I have five other books started and none of them are finished. That’s if I can get my massive body out of the house because I’ll weigh 800 pound from eating cheesecake at every meal.

Yeah. Change is necessary. Because there are consequences.

Damn it.

Honestly. It sucks to mature with age.