Relationship Crisis

Hello?

*silence*

Hello, is anybody there?

*crickets chirping*

Blogosphere? Are you there? *clicks tongue* Here Blogosphere! Come here, little Blogosphere! Sweet little Blogosphere…

Excuse me, but did you really just call me like you would call a dog?

Oh, Blogosphere! There you are.

So, are we talking again?

Of course we’re talking! When were we not talking?

How about for the last two or three weeks.

I talked to you. I posted regularly and I was on Facebook and Twitter and–

I don’t give a crap about Facebook and Twitter.

But aren’t they part–

Epp! *slices finger across throat*

Sorry. You were saying?

You backed  off. You wrote some big dramatic blog post about how your time was so “precious” *sneers* and you didn’t have any left for me.

I did not! I said that I was going to post twice a week, but I never said that I didn’t have time for you!

That’s not what I heard. That’s not what your “public” (and I use the term loosely) heard. They heard that you were backing away from me. They heard that you were spurning me. They saw you flip me the finger and walk off.

No! No that’s not true! I would NEVER walk away from you, Blogosphere! It’s just that my time–

Oh, please. *saws forefinger over thumb* See this? This is a little violin playing just for you.

Time is important!

Cry me a river.

And you want me to keep writing, don’t you? Well… don’t you?

Yeah, sure. Whatever.

Besides, I decided that it was a mistake to go to twice a week blog posts.

Oh, really?

Yes. You’ve been so cold. So distant. I just can’t tolerate this new…tension between us.

Uh, huh.

Really! You’re important to me, Blogosphere. Our relationship is important. I’m not going to just toss that away.

Hmmm.

Honest. I’m writing again, Blogosphere. I’m writing regularly. And…and I want to come back. I want to come back to three times a week blog posts. I can’t, well, I can’t get by only seeing you twice a week. I need more of you.

So you’ll do me three times a week again?

Uh, yeah. I guess you could put it that way.

You’ll  Follow Friday on Twitter again?

I thought you didn’t give a crap about Twitter.

Just answer the damn question!

Yes, yes, yes! I’m going to tweet and post and Facebook and I’m going to “like” and respond and read emails and be the bestest social media queen that you ever saw. I’m going to interact with you like you’ve never been interacted with before! Our relationship…it’s entering a new phase. A better one. More mature.

Mature, huh?

Yeah, mature. I’m sorry I stepped away from you, Blogosphere. I was…I was…wrong. *sob* You’re so important to me… Take me back. Take me back, please..*sob*

Geez, get a hold of yourself.

*whimper* I’m trying.

Okay. Look, it’s all right.  I understand.  How about you just do your best and I’ll pay exactly as much attention to you as I ever did.

Really?

Really.

Thank you, Blogosphere. Um, how much attention was that again? Blogosphere? Blogosphere are you still there? Hello….

*silence*

Um, thank you.

I think.