The Anniversary Post

*music plays softly in background* *candles flicker*

Come here, Blogosphere!

*No answer*

Oh, Blogosphere!

*Still no answer*

Ohhh baaabbyyy…my sweet baaabbbbyyy….you’re the one…

What!?! Sweet God, stop singing!

Hello, Blogosphere.

What do you want? And why are you wearing cropped pants that are way too tight?

Well, love is strange.  *swishes side to side* Do you like them?

I’m seeing parts of you I never wanted to. You look like you’re trying to reenact a scene from Dirty Dancing.

Maybe more than one. *smiles flirtatiously* *draws square with hands* This is my personal dance space.

O-kay. Sorry babe, but you don’t look anything like Jennifer Grey.

*hands on hips*  Well, you don’t look like Patrick Swayze either.

I could look like him if I wanted to. What is all of this anyway? *Blogosphere looks around* There’s so much… satin in here.

This is our anniversary post. *pouts* *sticks out big bottom lip* It’s been exactly one year since the first time we talked.  You don’t remember?

Oh hell, of course I don’t. What kind of an attention span do you think I have?

*Betsy slips slowly into a convenient chair* *stares at Blogosphere in shock and pain* But…but… we’ve been in a committed blogging relationship for a year now. Three times a week. Just like clockwork.  One hundred…one hundred and forty seven posts.  I counted.

So?

It matters!

Sure, babe.

It does! Most blogs die in the first year. We made it! We’ve come this far. Blogosphere, don’t turn away from me now. I’ll dance the cha-cha if you want me to. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t talk to you anymore.

Don’t you get it, Betsy? Don’t you see?  I’m balanced on poop and just like that I can slip down there again. I like poop. I need it. You don’t give me enough poop.

I can’t believe this! *stands* *whirls away* *stomps around the post waving arms* I’ve put aside my own writing!  I’ve walked away from Google Plus! You don’t pay attention anyway!  I did it all for NUTHIN’  (props for keeping the poop reference PG, by the way.)

Thanks.  Um, No!  It’s not nuthin’, Betsy! Nobody’s ever done anything like that for me before.

Horse hockey!

Horse hockey? Sheesh. Okay, okay. That’s a lie. Several million people do things like this for me every second of the day, but it’s not the same. It’s not like it is between us. *smiles* Trust me.

You’re right, Blogosphere. I give up. I can’t win no matter how hard I try.

No, no, Betsy. *Blogosphere rushes forward* Don’t you say that. *You* can win.  I know you can.

I used to think I could. But I see the truth now. I know what you are. You just take us bloggers any way you can find us. Then you don’t pay any attention at all.

Look, you’ve gotta understand what it’s like, Betsy. I come through the cable and satellites and suddenly these women, they’re throwing themselves at me. And for a while I think, hey, they wouldn’t be doing this if they didn’t care about me, right?

That’s alright. I understand. You’re just using us, that’s all.

No, no that’s not it. That’s the thing, Betsy, see it isn’t like that. You all are using me. *leer* And you like it.

*silence*

Well, it is kind of….fun.

There’s the spirit.

And if I want to write a blog for another year, well then who’ll tell me I can’t?

You go, girl!

And if nobody reads it, I’m not going to give a crap! I’m just going to keep writing and writing and writing!

Yes!

Nobody puts Betsy in the corner!

You said it!

*pause*

But Blogosphere, I have to tell you something. *takes deep breath*

What?

You know, I’ve had the time of my life. Yes, I swear. It’s the truth. And I owe it all to you.

No problem, babe.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpmILPAcRQo

Happy Anniversary!