April was a very interesting month around the Palatial Horvath Estate. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. One thing I learned in April is that I’m still a compulsive overeater. I was not magically cured by three months of more sensible eating.
Go figure.
As of the time of writing this blog post, I am 95 days refined sugar free. And that’s awesome. Tracking it day by day has made a chain that’s saved me more than once. Because I don’t want to break the chain, and because I want to be able to mark one more day in my book, I’ve resisted the baked goods and the ice cream. I’ve also managed to stay away from sugar or sugar-like ingredients hidden in food. Go me!
But then there was April. Different things have happened. Mom’s needed much more care than usual so I’ve been running around with her and worrying about her. The job’s been demanding. People have been…people. I really want more time to write, so I’ve been stealing from my sleep time. In other words – stress. And I turned to find comfort where I’ve always found it. Food.
I didn’t eat any sugar, which was a major win for me. But a few days ago I finally realized that I have still been compulsively overeating. I just haven’t been eating sugar products. This time I’ve been compulsively overeating…nuts.
Doesn’t that sound dirty? Now how the hell am I going to explain that one? It’s bad enough to know that I’m addicted to sugar. How in the world am I supposed to say that I’m addicted to lightly salted mixed nuts without getting arrested for soliciting? Hey, they’re low in carbs, high in protien, right? Heart healthy. With enough fats to stop a truck.
I’ve also become addicted to Amy’s Natural Foods pizza, because that’s the only pizza I’ve been able to find that doesn’t contain sugar. If I rationalize it correctly, I can make the carbs in the pizza not seem so bad. And, hey, it doesn’t have sugar.
So that was my April. Pizza and nuts. Nuts and pizza.
On May 1, my blood sugar was higher than it had been since January. Being an intelligent person, that’s when I realized I’d fallen into old compulsions. And I threw away my nuts.
As if in gratitude, my blood sugar numbers have been almost normal since then.
I’m hoping that May will turn out to be a brand new day. A sugar – pizza – nut free day.
I wonder what I’ll compulsively overeat next? Carrots? Broccoli?
Nah.
yea! Amy’s has been a life saver for me since I had to give up wheat products. And just keep telling yourself you love veggies……
@Laryn: Amy’s is actually just too good. I can rationalize it, so I eat more of it when I should be eating cauliflower. LOL
Sigh, I just got back from jack in the box because I had a supper stressful day and needed my comfort food. I knew why I was doing it, and still did it.
You are my hero, for trying, slipping, noticing and correcting yourself 🙂
@Doris Jennings: Well, there’s also the knowledge that in a few days I have to get my bloodwork done for my next doctor’s visit. That’s quite an incentive! LOL
mmmmmm Jack in the Box……
@Betsy Horvath:
True true! but you were still making an effort before that. 🙂
Go for it Betsy and don’t beat yourself up over some bad days! What you have accomplished so far is pretty awesome.
@Nancy: I’m kind of proud about the sugar thing. But fear that I’ll have to take insulin for the diabetes did help that decision along. But I’m glad that – so far – I’ve been able to pull back when I saw what I was doing with the other stuff. So far… 😀
My husband did really well , until the pills started keeping his blood sugar in a “normal” range. I think he then went in to denial about it all and went right back to eating all the sugar 🙁
You should be very proud of yourself!
@Doris: I wanted to tell you that I know EXACTLY how your husband feels, Doris. I had things under control a few years ago, but then I lost weight and my blood sugar was almost normal and I went into denial. Everything went to hell again after that. It’s just so hard, because diabetes is almost invisible until it gets really bad. I hope that he can pull back again. Because eventually the medicine stops working as well, and then you’re really in trouble.
Yeah we talk about it. He knows how much I worry about him. I hope that if we keep talking he will eventually take charge of his condition again!