Freedom

 

Previously on Betsy’s Blog….

Harry, Betsy’s albino gerbil Quest Guide, has sent Betsy away to think about her writing.  They need to identify the true nature of her quest before they set out.  Otherwise how will they know when they get there?  Now, after a short break for Easter, they’ve gotten together again and are sitting together on the Ikea sofa in Betsy’s brain to see if they can decide what they’re doing.

 

*Harry spits out a sunflower seed and perches on the arm of the sofa, wrapping his tail around his body*  So, did you do some thinking about the writing and your quest and all that crap?

Yes.  *Betsy looks demure*  I’ve decided that this is my quest; to follow that star.  No matter how hopeless.  No matter how far.

Oh, jeeze!  Am I going to have to suffer through Man of LaMancha jokes for the next friggin’ ever?

*Betsy smiles*  Yes.

Great.  ANYWAY, what did you decide?

Well, I’m not sure as far as the quest goes.  I just know that I want to write on my own terms.  I want to tell stories and I don’t want to be fake while I’m doing it.

Yeah, I GOT that.  Sheesh.  But do you want to write them and put the under a bushel?  Whatever the heck a bushel is?  Do you want to flush them down the toilet?  Post them on trees?

I’d like them to be out there so other people I don’t know can read them.

Christ I’m going to need  a drink after this is over.  Okay.  You want them to be published.  And make money?

Well, I definitely want to publish. But the writing has to be the most important thing, or I’m not going to keep doing it.

I don’t even know what you’re talking about.

After HOLD ME was picked up by the publisher, all of a sudden I seemed to be focusing on selling instead of writing and I didn’t have a freaking clue what I was doing.  “Everyone” was telling me that I had to do this to be successful, or do that, and if I didn’t do those things perfectly nobody would ever find my book and read it and I would be a big, huge, fat failure and die alone in the gutter.  So instead of writing, I was spent all of my time on my website or social media or author groups where there’s a lot of comparison-itis and the whole time I felt inadequate and like an imposter and like I was back in high school and sitting alone at the cafeteria table because I wasn’t one of the popular girls and I HATED it.  I spent months and months feeling like I was second or third or fortieth best, and it just got worse after my second book was rejected.

Yeah, I know what you mean.  When I was in school there was this mouse…long story.

And then I had trouble getting back into writing again because I didn’t want to do all of that again because what the heck’s the point?  I mean, I have a day job if I want to feel inadequate.  I love writing, but the only way I could get enthusiastic about it again was to say the heck with everyone.  I’m just going to do this writing thing my way and play and who cares what “everyone” says you should do or how much money you make?  I’ve never fit in a mold my entire life, so it’s certainly not going to work now.  I’m going to be an author my own way and the heck with everything.  I’m not expecting to make money or have “visibility”, so if I don’t get them it’s not a big deal.

Okay, listen.  I’ve got all of that.  But what do you WANT out of this thing?  Because if you don’t want something specific, you’re not going to work for it.  Am I right?

Well–

Am.  I.  Right?

You’re right.  *sigh*  Okay, here’s what I really want.  I want to write a book and publish it and write a book and publish it and so on.  This is a business and I want to treat it like my business, but I also want to have fun while I’m doing it.  I want to be in control and do it my own way.

Okay. *Harry settles back on his haunches*  Then I think I can help you identify your quest.

You can?

You want to be an indie author.  You want to self-publish.

I do?

Jesus, I’d better earn my rabbit ears for this one.  Yes!  Yes, you do!

Huh.  *Betsy settles back*  *contemplates*  Indie author.  Huh.   I’d have to learn a lot.  I’ve heard there’s a big learning curve for indie publishing.

Who cares?

Yeah.  Who cares?  I like to learn. *looks at Harry*  Oh, my God.  I’m going to indie publish.  I’m going to be a self publisher.  I’m going to take control of my career and my destiny and steer my ship wherever the hell I want to go.  Aren’t I?

Aren’t WE.

Yeah.  *Betsy beams*  We.

Do you feel that breeze blowing through your brain?

Yes.  What is it?

It’s the breeze of freedom.  You’re your own writer, babe.  And you can do whatever you damn well want.

Okay.  *sob*  Okay.