Skipper

Previously on Betsy’s Blog…

Harry, Betsy’s Guide on her Quest to become a successful independent author / entrepreneur, has returned from a short stay with the Muse Council and he’s ready to rock and roll!  He wants to help pull Betsy out of the mire of her own neurosis, kick her in the butt, and lead her on her way down the path to success.  But to do that, he needs Betsy’s cooperation, doesn’t he?  And that means giving Betsy the tools she needs to change.  

A whole big crapload of tools.

Now as Betsy’s consciousness naps in the frontal lobe of her brain, a new voice enters the picture.  Who is this?  What does it want?  How can it help, if help it will?  Join us and we’ll see….

 

Betsy!

*snore*

Oh, Betssssyyyyyyy….

*Betsy turns on side* *smacks lips*

Helllloooooo….

*Betsy snuggles deeper into pillows*

Betsy! Betsy! Betsy! Betsy! Betsy! Betsy!

Ah!  What? Where? Who? *Betsy jerks into sitting position as her brain rocks back and forth* *looks wildly around frontal lobe* *sees figure standing nearby*  Who the hell are you?

I’m Skipper!

*Betsy rubs eyes* *Blinks* You’re a chipmunk.

I’m Skipper the Chipmunk! I’m your Lifestyle Coach!

*Betsy blinks again* My…huh?

Harry told me all about you and I am Here To Help! *Skipper stands on back legs* *puts paws on hips*

Uh huh. HARRY!

Whaaat? *Harry strolls into frontal lobe* What do you…oh, hey Skips.

*Betsy points at Skipper* Explain. Now.

Okay, look.  *Harry saunters over to sofa and jumps up on arm*  When I was at the Muse Council, I was talking to people about you, you know?

*Betsy glares*  Were you?

Yeah.  I needed some advice.  And here’s the scoop.  You’re like a whole person, right?

Last time I checked.

So the successful independent author stuff is kind of dependent on the rest of your life, right?

Right.

Skipper here *Harry waggles his forepaw at the chipmunk* has an advanced degree in Habit Formulation and Implementation.  She’s like a freaking guru.

*Betsy looks at Skipper*  *Skipper itches chin with back paw*  You can’t be serious.

Oh, he totally is! *Skipper claps paws together and snaps off a salute*  Reporting for duty!  I’m Skipper, the skipper of your ship of habits!  I can help you build them up… *waves paws in air* And I can help you break them down. *swipes paws to the side*

*Betsy turns back to Harry*  What are you doing to me?

Look.  *Harry settles on haunches*  Skipper’s in a lot of demand with the other Guides.  She specializes in cases like yours where time constraints and other, um, mental factors make effective Habit Development  essential for the successful completion of a Quest.  She’s like an expert in figuring out how to fit a lot of life into a little time.

*Betsy looks at Skipper*  Really?

Oh, yeah!  Totally!  *Skipper hooks paw in side of mouth*  *Pulls mouth out until it folds back on itself* *lets it snap back into shape*  Did you see my really cool cheek pouches?

I did and I never want to see them again.

Well, I can fit TONS of nuts in there!  TONS!  I can fit a whole CASELOAD of nuts in there! *Skipper beams proudly*

Wonderful.

I can fit and entire DELIVERY TRUCK of nuts in there!

Got it.

Do you have any nuts?

Harry.  *Betsy holds out her hand to Harry*  Make her stop.

Hey Skips *Harry pats Skipper on her shoulder*  Less enthusiasm, okay?

*Skipper pouts*  You promised me this was going to be a fun gig.

It will be.  Trust me.  *Harry’s eyes slide away to the left*

*Betsy draws in a deep breath*  Okay.  Okay.  So let me see if I’ve got this straight.  You *points at Skipper* are an expert in training people to develop habits that help them fit a lot into a little.

I sure am!  *Skipper glances at Harry*  Um *cough*  I mean, yes.

*Betsy arches eyebrows at Harry*  Habits, huh?

Look, you’re always whining about how you don’t have enough time to do crap, or how you aren’t productive, or how you eat wrong and then your brain gets all screwed up, or how you have trouble dealing with extreme emotions.  Skipper can help with all that.

Habits.  *Betsy considers Skipper* *Shrugs*  Well, I haven’t been doing all that well on my own, so what the heck.  What’s another character in my head.  Hit me with your best shot, ‘Munk.

Oh, goody!  *Skipper claps paws together* *Pulls glasses from a fold of her fur and puts them on* *pulls tablet computer from another fold of fur* *turns it on*  First I need to know a little bit about your goals and aspirations.

Oh.  Okay *Betsy glances at Harry then back to Skipper*  Why?

Harry said you were screwed up, but he wasn’t specific.  Now. *Skipper peers over glasses*  Goals?

Well, to be an independent author / entrepreneur.  This whole, um, Quest thing, you know.  The blog. *Betsy gestures at Harry* Him.

Uh hmmm…*Skipper taps on tablet*  Good, good.  Anything else?

Why does it matter?

Because, as Harry said, you’re a whole person.  So your goals aren’t separate, they’re, like, all you.  And they all have to fit into life, have priority, that sort of thing.  So we need to get them all out on the table and look at them, you know?  And we have to look at the steps required to achieve each one and how you’ll know when you have.  Then we worry about habits to support them.

*Betsy scratches her head*  I didn’t know there’d be goals.  I hate goals.

You hate goals?  *Skipper stares at Betsy, aghast*  How have you achieved anything in your life without goals?

*Betsy shrugs*

*Skipper looks at Harry*  This is going to take a while.

*Harry sighed*  I kind of figured.

 

To be continued…