Undone

Previously on Betsy’s Blog….

When last we met, all seemed to be well with Betsy.  She was happy, she was writing, and she was discussing newsletters with Harry, the white gerbil who is the Guide on her Quest.  She’s on her way, right?  Sure, there have been some bobbles, but there is no way in heck Betsy’s going to fall off her path again, not now that she is positive it is where she wants to be.  Right?  So what harm could there be for her to eat inappropriately for her diabetic condition by indulging in baked goods and ice cream?  It’s just a treat.  Just once.  Okay, just for one day.  Or perhaps two.  Maybe three…. 

Uh oh.

And a Dark Wind howls through Betsy’s brain.  And a Dark Voice whispers in her ear.

Looks like we’d better go see what’s happening…..

 

*The Muse walks down the corridors of Betsy’s brain*  *Seems hardly to touch the ground*  *Her face shines with fierce brilliance*  *She does not look like the young sullen girl Betsy has imagined, but instead is clothed in mists and dreams*  *She sings*  “You spin me right round, baby, right round.  Like a record baby, right round round round.”  *Shakes hips as she glides*  *Sees Harry standing next to a closed frontal lobe*

Harold.

*Harry quickly tucks his gPad tablet back into his fur*  *Bows*  Ma’am.

*Muse settles onto a stool that appears behind her*  What happened this time?

*Harry shrugs*  She fell. She decided she could just ignore reality.  I tried to call her back, but she didn’t care.

*Muse frowns*  Yes, she didn’t listen to me either.  Was it food again?

*Harry nods*  Yes.  She thought she could do “just a little” and “just once” and “only today.”

*Muse rolls her eyes*  Oh, for God’s sake!  How old is this woman?  If it hasn’t been true before, it’s not going to be true now.

*Harry grimaces*  I know.  I’m sorry, ma’am.  She gave herself permission to go off the deep end with her eating for just one day, so there was no build up this time.  One day she was on the path, and the next she was was drowning in a sea of sugar and fats and indulgence.  Her body chemistry went haywire and the Dark Voice had her.

*Muse frowns*  I see.

*Harry sighs*  Unfortunately this time she thought she had it under control, when in fact she was spiraling away further and faster than she has in a very long time.  I called to her, but she thought she was following me when instead she was following a false trail to fulfillment and satisfacton.  The Dark Voice sang, Obsessia tugged, and Fake Harry led.  *He shrugs*  She followed.  She accomplished nothing meaningful this week except to send her poor body into the mire.

Misdirection.  *Muse rubs her forehead*  You let her go?

*Harry nods*  Yes, ma’am.  This time I could not intervene because she had chosen to be so completely blind.

*Muse shakes her head*  *Starlight sparkles*  It was for the best anyway.  She had to run the course, wreck herself, and come to the place where she realizes she has been the victim of Resistance and Lies.  She has to look up from the mud to see how far she has fallen.

Yes, ma’am.  I believe she has reached that point.  She has resisted the food temptations for two days now.

*Muse sighs*  Well, it’s a start.  Does she finally realize there can be no “just one” or “just now” for her where food is concerned?

She realizes it today.  *Harry shakes head sadly*  But the Dark Voice is strong.  He calls to her.  The more time that passes, the less she remembers.  She will fall again.

Yes, well, that’s humanity for you.  *Muse stands*  *Stool disappears*  For now she is back on her path, and that is all we can hope for.  But she has to be more aware of her health.  When her diabetes gets that far out of control…. You’ll talk to her?  

Yes, ma’am.  *Harry bows*  It will be the next blog post.

*Muse nods*  Good.  *Starts to leave*  *Turns back*  She still doesn’t know who I am, does she?

No. She does not understand the depth of you yet.  

*Muse considers Harry*  You haven’t told her.

No.  I’ve allowed her to continue to view you as a cranky teenager.  I’ve let her think you are merely a wind that floats through her mind now and then.

Why?  You know I sing to her, have always sung to her, as I sing to many people.  She has finally identified her Quest.  It might be time for her to know me more fully.

*Harry shifts on his paws*  Yes, she has identified her Quest, but she must commit to it.  She must make a true commitment even though at this point much is hidden.  It is not a coincidence that as soon as she saw a part of the truth, she was attacked by her own desires.  That’s the test.  Every time she falls off her true path, the light dims.  She must realize that, acknowledge it, and decide to hang on, even when she very much wants to do something else.

*Muse smiles*  She must choose.

Yes.  *Harry returns her smile*  She does not see it all yet, but I think she’s beginning to understand, at least a little bit.

How do you know?

Well.  *Harry shrugs*  She wrote this blog post.

Ah.  *Muse nods*  Good point.  *Sighs*  Well, I might as well go.  Her brain and body are still recovering from the latest abuse she has put them through.  She won’t hear me properly until she has had time to cleanse.

*Harry frowns*  But you’ll come back, right?

*Muse smiles*  Of course.

 

To be continued….