Author: Betsy Horvath

  • First Drafts and Fears

    ClimbEveryMountainPreviously on Betsy’s Blog…

    Betsy is on a Quest to become an Indie Author/Publisher/Entrepreneur.  Harry, a white gerbil, is her Guide.  When last we met, Betsy and her Muse were hopped up on writing good times and heading towards finishing the first draft of the second half of the redraft of the book Betsy is writing.  While they got down to the creative business, Harry went off to find out what else Betsy is going to need to know if she wants to make this Quest a reality.

    Now Betsy and Harry are meeting to discuss progress, but something appears to be amiss.  Betsy is not bouncing around with excitement and middle-aged glee.  In fact, she seems rather subdued.  What’s happened?  Does Betsy have to make yet another feeble excuse for not getting her work done?  Let’s see…

     

    *Betsy enters office Harry has set up in her brain*  *Walks over to sofa*  *Drops down onto it with a sigh*

    *Harry looks up from his gPad*  *Frowns*  *Hops to edge of gerbil habitat tower*  Betsy?

    Yeah.  *Betsy stretches out to lay on sofa*  *Puts arm over her eyes*

    What’s wrong?  *Harry puts down gPad*  *runs down tower tube*  *runs over to sofa and jumps onto arm near Betsy’s head*  *pokes at her with a little paw*  I thought you were going to have good news for me today.

    I do.  *Betsy’s voice is muffled by her arm*

    *Harry waits for a moment, but she says nothing else*  Come on.  You’re killing me here.  Did you finish the first draft?

    I did.

    Hey, that’s great! *Harry starts jumping around*  You finished the first draft!  That’s awesome.

    Sure.  *Betsy lets her hand fall to her side*  *stares at ceiling of the brain*

    *Harry stops jumping*  Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sensing a lack of enthusiasm here.  Care to tell me why?

    Well, I’m just really scared now.

    Scared?  *Harry jumps onto Betsy’s chest so he can look her in the eye*  Why, for Pete’s sake?  This is a big accomplishment.

    I know, I know, I know.  *Betsy sits up*  *Dislodges Harry*  It’s just that now it’s, well, real.  There’s so much left to do, but now I have to really step up and do it.

    *Harry scratches his head with his back paw*  I don’t understand.  You always had to do it.

    No.  *Betsy stands*  *Begins to pace*  When I was writing the first draft, I didn’t know the whole story.  It was easy to write and rewrite because the story didn’t completely exist yet.  But now I’ve forced myself to power through and the whole story is formed.  It’s not fully formed – it’s kind of like it’s covered in mud – but it’s there just waiting for me to firm it up and finish it.

    Okay.  Still don’t see the problem.

    *Betsy twirls around to glare at Harry*  And then once I firm it up and finish it, I’m going to have to put it out there, aren’t I?

    *Harry shrugs*  Only if you want to actually be an author, babe.  Which you do.

    And then it will be done and I won’t be working on it anymore and then people will read it and maybe review it, or OH!  maybe they WON’T review it and I won’t sell any books and what if I finish this book and it SUCKS or what if I CAN’T finish this book because I’m a total loser and I can’t succeed at anything and what if I read the first draft I wrote and it takes me another TWENTY years to finish the book and I– *Betsy sucks in breath*–die?  Huh?

    Okay.  Wow.  *Harry holds out paws in a placating manner*  Hold on there little trouper.  Why don’t you come back and sit down.  *pats sofa cushion*

    *Betsy sniffles*  Okay.  *walks back to sofa*  *sits* *sniffles*  Sorry.

    Yeah, well, there’s a lot going on in that noggin of yours, isn’t there?

    *sniffle*  Uh huh.

    It sounds like you’re thinking of writing this book as some huge event.

    *Betsy stares at Harry*  Because it is.

    *Harry shrugs*  Not so much.  I mean, yeah, it’s a great accomplishment and all, but it’s not really an event.  It’s just your job now.  It’s just what you do.  This is the second book of many.  You’ve got a ton of others trapped in here.  *Harry climbs Betsy’s chest and taps a paw on her forehead*

    *Betsy frowns* Why were you so excited then?*

    *Harry rolls eyes*  I was excited because you are finally, FINALLY, taking a step onto your own path.

    Oh.  *Betsy thinks*  Okay.

    You’re gonna be fine, babe.  You WILL be able to finish it and it WILL be great.  And then another story will come right along if you let it and you’ll be all about the new story.  Treat this like the be-all and end-all and you’re going to spend the rest of your life rewriting it until it’s perfect and it never will be because that’s the way life goes.  You need to finish this one and you need to get it out there and you need to let people read it.  *Harry hops back onto sofa*

    *Betsy digs out tissue*  *blows nose*  I want people to read it.

    Of course you do.  *Harry pats Betsy’s arm*  You can’t worry about reviews or any of that stuff.  You can’t control what people are going to say, or not say.  You have to focus on the things you CAN control.  And that means, you need to finish your book and you need to ship it.  Then you need to do it all over again.  Each book is just one of many.  There will be another one coming along after this one is finished.

    I should have that tattooed on my arm.  *Betsy gives Harry a watery smile* Thanks.  I feel better now.  *Betsy thinks*  And excited!

    Great.  And you finished your first draft!  *Harry gives a fist pump*

    I did!  *Betsy claps her hands*

    Hooray!  

    *Betsy and Harry dance around her brain*

     

     To be continued…

    dancing-clip-art-1

     

  • What’s Next?

    woman thinkingPreviously on Betsy’s blog…

    Harry, Betsy’s Guide on her Quest to be an indie author/publisher, has discovered that Betsy and her Muse are almost finished the first draft of her book.  This is a good thing.  What Harry finds a little disturbing is the fact that Betsy wrote much of the second half of the first draft of the book in longhand.  Like on paper.  With a pen.  And now it will have to be typed in.

    This gave Harry a little pause (as opposed to little paws – he already has those), but he’s gotten over it.  Mostly.  Now he wants to find out where Betsy and her Muse are planning on taking her writing in the future.  Is this first draft going to be it?  Do they have any further plans?  Has Betsy thought ahead at all?  Does Betsy even have a clue?

    Let us rejoin the conversation between Betsy, Harry, and the Muse, in the lushly appointed office Harry has set up for himself in Betsy’s brain to find out…. 

     

    Okay.  *Harry nods*  Let’s talk about plans for the next steps after the book is finished.

    Aren’t we getting a little ahead of ourselves?  *Betsy looks skeptical*

    Nah.  We need to think about these things.  *Harry flaps paw*  I mean, yeah, you need to concentrate on getting this book all the way finished.  But where do we go next?  Do you have any plans?

    Well. *Betsy exchanges look with Muse*  I’m planning to live my life my own way and show my body some respect?

    With your WRITING. *Harry sits on the edge of the coffee table*  What’s next for your WRITING?

    Oh.  Writing.  *Betsy looks eager*  Well, Muse and I HAVE been making plans for the writing.

    Awesome.  *Harry swings foot* Talk to me.

    Oh! *Muse leans forward* It’s so exciting.  See, this book we’re finishing now is supposed to be the first book of a series.

    Yes!  *Betsy leans forward too*  And not only because I wanted to write a series, but because people love to read a series, especially in romance.  They love getting to know the characters and seeing them in future books.

    So we decided this would be the first of at least seven, right?  *Muse looks to Betsy*

    *Betsy nods* At least seven.  But I’d like it if we could stay in this world for a lot longer than that.  We even have titles for the next two books and we’re doing world building, and–

    *Muse jumps in*  And I’m coming up with the plot for the next book.  Actually, I have the basics for the next couple of books and–

    *Betsy interrupts*  And I’m charting out characters and the town this book is set in so we can tie in some short stories, and–

    *Muse claps her hands* Oh, and I’m working on the story arcs that are going to go through the series.  There’s one major arc, but I think we’ll have several, don’t you? *Looks at Betsy*

    *Betsy nods*  Yes, based on what I see in the first book there will be several.  But you know, we have to consider–

    Okay, okay.  *Harry waves paws to stop them*  That’s great.  Just the kind of planning I like to see.  *Looks sternly at Betsy*  You know the problems you ran into before when you tried to write a series.

    Yeah, but I’ve learned.  *Betsy perches on edge of sofa*  See, with Hold Me, I had like a vague idea about what I wanted to do in a series, but I never thought about details.  Then I took out some characters who would have been important in the future and I didn’t know where to go after that.  But this time I know that you need to plan for a series in the first book.  So I’m building that in.  I know I have to do all of this planning now and really chart out the first couple of books or I’ll get stuck again

    We still have a lot of work to do. *Muse tugs at her chin*  It’s not finished by any means.

    *Betsy holds up finger to stop her*  But we’ll have time after the first draft is finished to work on some of this.

    Good, good.  *Harry stands*  I like it that you’re thinking ahead.

    Well, because I have to.  And now that I know it’s a series, I have the hero and heroine for the second book being introduced in the first book.  And the leads for future books are there too.  I didn’t do that kind of stuff with Hold Me.

    *Muse pats Betsy’s hand*  Newbie mistake.

    *Betsy grimaces*  Yeah.  Just one of many.  But knowing I need to think about these things now is helping me plant the seeds for future books.

    *Muse chair dances*  Yay!  Future books! 

    *Harry begins to pace*  I really like this new can-do attitude, I must say.

    *Betsy blushes*  Thanks.

    I’ll tell you what.  *Harry turns to her*  You guys keep up with the writing.  I’m going to go out and surf around, talk to my fellow Guides, and come up with a list of other things we need to consider as we move forward.

    *Betsy looks at Muse*  *Looks back at Harry*  Other things?

    You want to be an indie author.  There are a ton of other things you’re going to need to know and plan for.  We need to figure out what they are so you can work them into your writing schedule.

    O-okay.  *Betsy looks a little intimidated*

    Don’t worry about it.  *Harry waves away her concern*  You guys finish that darn book.  I’ll go see what I can see.  Then we’ll get back together and discuss.  Now, get going!  *Harry strides back to gerbil habitat*

    Who does he think he is? *Muse whispers in Betsy’s ear*

    I’m pretty sure he thinks he’s Patton.  *Betsy sighs*  *stands*  Okay, Muse.  Let’s get writing.

    Yay!  *Muse dances out of post*

    Yay.  *Betsy follows*

     

    To be continued…

     

    Thinking Man

     

  • Longhand?

    Writing ClipartPreviously on Betsy’s Blog…

    To sum things up as quickly as possible:  there’s a Quest, there’s a Guide, he’s a gerbil (yeah, a gerbil), his name is Harry.  The Quest is to indie publish, Betsy’s supposed to be writing and finishing her first draft, and the Muse is cranky about schedules.  Betsy’s also managed to put together a “Quest” page collecting all of the related blog posts in one place.  Although she never figured out how to put the first post first instead of last, she’s pretty impressed that she even figured out how to collect them together.

    Anyway, Harry has called a meeting with Betsy and the Muse to discuss progress.  Let’s listen in, shall we?  

    Yes, let’s.

     

    *Betsy and the Muse walk into Harry’s office*  *see Harry lounging on top of his habitat tower watching television*

    Hey, I’m glad you two could spare a minute. *Harry sips from a snifter of brandy* *turns off ESPN*

    Sure. *Betsy sits on sofa*

    Sure. *Muse perches uncertainly beside Betsy* *glances at Betsy for reassurance*

    *Betsy pats Muse’s hand* So, what’s up?

    *Harry puts down snifter*  *runs down the habitat tower, then jumps to perch on the coffee table in front of them* I wanted to touch base with you guys to see how we’re doing on our product.

    Great! *Betsy smiles at Muse* We’re at the end of the first draft for Handing It.  I think we’re at the last scene, don’t you, Muse?

    Oh, yes! *Muse sits forward* *Trembles with creative enthusiasm* We’re definitely at the climactic scene.  A little bit more work and it will be finished!

    Hey, that’s great. *Harry settles down on the coffee table* *Crosses one hind leg over the other* *adjusts his fur to lay smoothly over knee* What’s next after that?

    *Betsy looks at Muse* Well, we kinda figured we’d keep writing.

    Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Of course you’re going to keep writing.  *Harry flicks that away* But I need to plan.  So after you finish this first draft, what’s the next step?

    Oh.  *Betsy frowns in thought* I guess the first thing we’ll have to do is to type the first draft into Scrivener and–

    Whoa! *Harry holds up forepaws, pads out* Whoa, whoa, whoa!  What do you mean, “type it into Scrivener”? How the heck did you write this first draft anyway?  Telepathy?

    *Betsy looks uncomfortable*  I, um, wrote it, um, longhand.

    Longhand! *Harry jumps to his feet* Longhand!  You mean like on PAPER?  With a PEN? Are you freaking kidding me?

    No. *Betsy tries to soothe him* See with longhand, it all just flowed–

    Flowed! Flowed! *Harry begins to pace, paws clasped behind his back*

    Yeah! It was so cool. *Muse leans forward eagerly* See, she was all blocked up and I was talking and talking, but I could never get her to buckle down and listen but then we figured out it was because she was sitting at a computer, see?  And sitting at the desk was restrictive kinda, and reminded her of her day job.  So we thought she should just write it down and it really worked! It was like I was there, like, molded to her hand or something.

    Yes! *Betsy beams at Muse* That’s exactly what it’s like. She talks and it just comes out and I don’t even know how long I’ve been writing because it’s like it’s me and her and the writing and it’s wonderful until my tendinitis flares up!

    Yeah, well that’s freaking great but…but LONGHAND! *Harry snorts in disgust* What century do you live in? Do you think you’re Jane Austen?  Did you use a freaking quill?

    *Betsy straightens* I thought you were all about the writing? Why are you getting upset?

    Because I thought YOU wanted to be an indie author.  That means you need to get books out there sometime within the next freaking century.  Writing in longhand is about as efficient as chipping the thing in a rock.

    No, no, listen! *Muse clasps her hands* See, it’s great. We’ll have kind of a second draft when we type in the stuff Betsy wrote in her  notebooks because we’ll be reviewing it all.  And we’ll also see things that need to be added and deleted as we go.  It’s actually going to save time.

    *Harry crosses his arms* Oh, come on. Save time?

    Yeah, you know why? *Muse looks rebellious* It’s going to freaking save time because this way she’s freaking writing the thing, okay?

    Hmmmm.  *Harry considers* Good point. *settles back onto coffee table*  Sorry. Okay, so the first draft is finished. You’ll type it in and clean it up. Will the book be finished then?

    I think it will be pretty much there. *Betsy looks to Muse for confirmation*

    I see a couple of scenes we might need to add.  *Muse muses* And things will need to be smoothed out and pulled together, especially since the first half of the book has been finished for a while.  *Muse taps chin*  So at least one more draft after it gets typed in and smoothed out.  Maybe two.  But they won’t take nearly this long.

    Okay.  *Harry nods*  Let’s talk about plans for the next steps after the book is finished.

     

    To be continued…

     

    Harry-3
     

  • The Muse Balks

    the musePreviously on Betsy’s Blog…

    Betsy has set out on her Quest to become an indie author with the help of her Guide, Harry.  Although in mythology, Guides for a Quest have traditionally been a white stag or rabbit, Harry is a white gerbil.  Well, that’s just the way things go sometimes.

    Thus far, Harry has proven himself to be quite helpful, not only in assisting Betsy to identify the objective of her Quest, but in pulling her out of the sugar-induced stupor she fell into after suffering a personal loss.  And it was in the dark caverns of Betsy’s temporal lobe that she and Harry encountered a mysterious and threatening Voice.  The Voice says it has been with Betsy all of her life, that it nudges her, encourages her to take inappropriate actions with inappropriate foods.  Betsy and Harry chased the Voice away, but are left to wonder if it will be back.  Will it be even more powerful next time?  Will Betsy be able to withstand its song?

    But those are questions for another day.  Now it is well past time for Betsy to buckle down and start churning out the words.  She has a schedule to meet!  How sad that her Muse does not work well under pressure and is starting to get obstreperous. (<–look!  big word!)

    Let’s join Betsy now in the spacious, well-appointed family room of her brain while she meets with her Muse and tries to figure out how to get this train moving along.  Just a little girl talk between friends.  Or something.

     

    Hello, Muse.

    Yeah.  Hi.

    *Betsy clears throat uncomfortably* *looks briefly at Muse sitting on sofa, then around the family room of her brain*  Wow.  Um.  Harry really spruced up the place.

    Yeah. *Muse shrugs* *curls deeper into sofa* It’s okay.  We have cable now.  And organizers from Ikea.

    Great!  Great.  *Betsy takes a few steps forward*  So, um, do you mind if I sit down?

    Go ahead.  It’s your brain.

    Right.  *Betsy perches on the sofa on the opposite end from the Muse*  *Fiddles with her gray matter*  So, um, I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting.

    *Muse continues to watch “Honey Boo Boo” on the flat screen*  It’s probably because of the whole writing thing.

    Of course it’s because of the whole writing thing!  It’s just, well, you’re not always there when I sit down to, you know, write.

    *Muse jerks a shoulder*  Whatevs.

    Whatev–

    Hey, suddenly you want to be on a schedule and I’m supposed to just bippity-boppity-boo be there?  *Muse snaps fingers* Suddenly this little white gerbil Quest Guide is prancing all around calling the shots and he wants production?  Maybe I’m not caring about production or your little schedule. *makes air quotes*  Maybe I just want to watch this obnoxious kid on television.

    *Betsy stares*  You really want to watch this?

    *Muse shakes it off*  Okay, okay.  Not really.  I can’t stand the show.  But I don’t want to perform on a schedule either.  I’m not a…a… damn circus elephant or something.

    Oh, Muse.  *Betsy settles back with a sigh*  I’m not asking you to perform on a schedule.  I just need to have some kind of organization.  Like those Ikea shelves.

    I thought we had a good arrangement before.  *Muse looks at Betsy directly for the first time* You know, on-again, off-again.  When we were on-again, I’d show up when I wanted and you’d write and if you weren’t in a place where you could write, I’d just talk anyway and you’d go crazy trying to remember what I said.

    Yeah.  *Betsy frowns*  You still do that.

    And when we were off-again, you’d forget about me and I’d go shopping.  I’d have my days free, you know?  It wasn’t full time.  But now you expect me to be in your head at a certain time every day and that’s just so not me.  I don’t do restrictions.

    But–

    I’ve gotta be free, you know?  Free to fly like an eagle.  Free to be you and me!  Free, free, free!  *Muse flaps arms*

    Muse. *Betsy inches closer*  I want you to be free.  I want you to be able to dance and sing and play.

    Ooooo play!  I like play!  *Muse claps hands*

    I know.  I want you to be able to play and flow.  I don’t want you to be all bottled up until you’re knocking on the inside of my head driving me crazy because I haven’t been listening to you for weeks or months.

    Or years.  *Muse scowls and crosses her arms*  Sometimes it’s been years.

    I know.  *Betsy pats Muse’s shoulder*  And I’m sorry.

    Well, that’s great but what the heck does a schedule have to do with anything?

    See, if I’m going to be an indie author, then I need to write a lot of stuff and get it out there.  I have to be consistent.  I have to be organized.  And I have to hit a schedule.  So, when I need to write, I need to trust that you’re going to show up and talk to me.  Because if you don’t talk to me, Muse, well, I can’t do this.  I need you.

    Hmmph.  *Muse looks unimpressed*  What’s in it for me?

    Well…. *Betsy thinks quickly*  If you start coming around regularly, all of my creative juice is really going to start flowing.

    *Muse sits up straighter*  More juice?

    Yeah.  If I can get where I’m writing consistently every day, well, that juice is going to blow you right out of the water.

    Hmmm.  *Muse looks thoughtful*  I really like juice.

    I know you do.  *Betsy covers Muse’s hand with her own*  We can do this.  If you agree to show up every day when I’m sitting down to write.  Will you?

    Welllll….*Muse considers*  I’ll have a lot less free time.

    But lots of juice.

    *Muse considers some more*  And you won’t be mad at me if I show up and you still don’t hit your production schedule?

    No.  All you have to do is inspire me,

    *Muse watches her* And you promise you’ll keep showing up?

    Yes.

    *Muse thinks for several long moments*  *Nods slowly*  Okay.  As long as you show up, I’ll show up too.

    That’s great!  Thank you.  *Betsy grins*  Let’s go squeeze us some juice.

    After the show.

     

    To be continued…

    juice

  • Some Thoughts About Failure and Success

    primrose1One morning last week, I woke up feeling vaguely guilty and rather like a failure.  Now that isn’t terribly unusual, but I didn’t know what was wrong this time.  As I thought about it, I realized my feelings were somehow connected to the fact I had been to the grocery store the previous evening.It so happens this trip to the grocery store had gone perfectly well, but there have been many times in my life when a trip to the grocery store meant the purchase and consumption of vast quantities of inappropriate foodstuffs.  I have come to associate going to the grocery store with breaking promises to myself and feeling like a failure.I have trained myself.Last week I was also thinking about writing and wondering why I hadn’t felt like a success when HOLD ME was published.  After all, the publication of a book is the popularly accepted definition of success for a writer.

    After some thought, I realized that what makes me feel I’m a successful author is to write consistently.  After HOLD ME was published, I stopped writing.  I got all caught up in publication and promotion and other things successful authors were “supposed” to do.  Because none of those things matched my definition of success, I rushed after things that meant nothing to me and sent myself into a downward spiral.

    I let other people define my success.

    I guess what I’m trying to say in this rambling little blog post is, first, we can train ourselves to feel like failures.  We train ourselves with our actions, and we train ourselves with our thinking.  Because I have a history of making choices at the grocery store that are not appropriate for my diabetes, because I consistently ignore promises I’ve made to myself and spend money I don’t have on things I don’t need, I associate the grocery store with failure.  But now that I know I’m trained that way, maybe I’ll be kinder to myself when I’m in those situations.

    Second, we are the only people who can define success for ourselves.  For me, I feel the most successful, the most comfortable in myself, when I am writing.  Writing itself is my definition of success, not promotion or even publication.  In the past, I have let other people define both my success and my failure based on their thoughts and actions, not on what I consider to be the most important thing.  But now that I know I’ve done that, maybe I’ll be better able to keep on my own path.

    And so, let us keep muddling through knowing we have done the best we could, let us be kind to ourselves when we fail, and let us remain true to our own definitions without imposing them on others.

    Have a great day.

    primrose

     

  • The Voice Speaks

    threatening cloudsPreviously on Betsy’s Blog…

    Harry, Betsy’s Quest Guide, is afraid Betsy has become derailed in her Quest to be a successful indie author.  This fear appears justified when he finds her lying in a slovenly heap in the temporal lobe of her brain, drowning her grief and sorrow in a sea of sugars, fats, and chemicals.  He tries to snap her out of it, and seems to be making good progress when suddenly another Voice speaks.

    Who is this Voice?  What does it want?  Why didn’t Betsy know it was there?  Why is Betsy’s mouth smeared with confectioner’s sugar?  Join Betsy and Harry as they strive to find the answers to these important questions…

    (and now, we resume Betsy’s and Harry’s conversation, already in progress…)

     

    *Harry evades Betsy’s outstretched arms*  Okay, so, first of all.  Who else is in here?

    *Betsy blinks*  Who else?  Nobody.

    *Harry shakes his head*  I know I heard somebody else in here.

    *Betsy frowns*  No.  Seriously.  It’s just me.

    I don’t–

    BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    *Betsy looks around her brain*  Who’s that?

    Who’s that?  *Harry stares at her*  It’s your brain.  Don’t you know?

    No.  *Betsy considers*  But the voice does sound strangely familiar.

    OF COURSE MY VOICE IS FAMILIAR.  YOU HAVE HEARD IT ALL OF YOUR LIFE.

    Who are you?  *Harry stands on his back legs, hands on hips*  And why are you shouting?

    Oops.  Sorry.  I am so powerful that I forget to tone it down sometimes.

    Powerful?  *Betsy frowns*  How can you be powerful when you’re in my brain and I don’t even know you?

    I thought we covered that.  You know me.

    Okay.  *Betsy stands, dislodging Harry*  I said your voice was familiar, but I have no idea who you are.

    Well, I do hide.  I kind of…lurk.  Then I…nudge.

    *Harry looks at Betsy*  Nudge?

    This way or that.  *Voice sounds amused*  Hither and yon.

    *Betsy crosses arms*  I’m not sure I like the idea of being nudged.

    I would imagine you don’t.  You normally hate me when you’re in your right mind. *giggles* But it so easy to get you out of your right mind.  When you’re in your WRONG mind you do whatever I say.

    *Betsy bites her lip*  Harry?  Harry, I’m scared.

    *Harry stares up at her*  I’m a freaking gerbil here.  What the hell am I supposed to do?

    *Betsy stamps her foot*  You’re my Quest Guide, aren’t you?  I think this is one of those obstacles you’re supposed to Guide me around or something.

    Oh.  Yeah.  Right.  *Harry clears his throat*  Okay, so what the heck are you anyway, Voice?

    What am I?  I don’t know.  *Sounds dreamy*  Addiction.  Compulsion.

    Addiction?  *Betsy’s voice squeaks*  Like…like… food addiction?

    Remember how you created “butter balls” when you were young?

    *Harry looks at Betsy*  Butter balls?  What the heck are “Butter balls”  Although, frankly, I’m not sure I want to know.

    *Betsy gets a far-away look on her face*  Ohhhh….White bread.  Margerine.  Squished in my fist.  Margerine between my fingers.  Sometimes, if I could sneak it, I used confectioners sugar.  Mmmmm…

    Okay, not exactly what I was picturing, but it sounds disgusting.  *Harry shrugs*  So, what did you have to do with all that, Voice?

    Who do you think gave her the idea?  And kept her at it?  Then there were the pints of ice cream she sneaked into–

    Stop!  *Betsy holds up her hand*  *Blushes*  Not in front of Harry.

    *Voice laughs nastily*

    *Harry puffs up his little body to try to look bigger*  So, what’s all this about, Voice?  This just a trip down memory lane or something?

    No, my little Guide.  This was a demonstration.

    Demonstration?  *Betsy looks around nervously*  Demonstration of what?

    You think you want to move forward?  You think you want to get out of your rut?  Well, I like your rut just fine the way it is.

    *Harry struts forward*  Oh, yeah?  She’s got a Guide now, buddy.

    Yes, she has a Guide.  And the first time tragedy struck, she turned to me.  Just like she always does.

    I wasn’t thinking right!  *Betsy wipes away tears*  Don’t you take my sweet Emily and my sweet Oliver and make them something you can use!  Don’t you do that!

    I already did.  I sang to you of their loss, and you turned to me.  You followed my Voice.  Like always.

    I didn’t know!  *Betsy stands defiant*

    You knew.

    Well, I sure as hell didn’t know.  *Harry runs up Betsy’s side and perches on her shoulder*  And now we both do.  Now I know I need to watch out.

    You may see me….you may not.  I swim through this brain and sing my songs.  Night and day, I am the one…

    This is MY brain.  *Betsy fists her hands on her hips*  This is MY BRAIN!  And you are not welcome here, Voice!

    You’re going to throw me out?  Well, you can try.  I’ll just come back later.

    Get out.  Get out now!

    Are you sure?

    GET OUT!  *Betsy and Harry scream it together.

    Very well. See ya….or not.

    *silence*

    *Betsy pants*  *Looks at Harry perched on shoulder*  I’m sorry.

    *Harry pats her cheek with a paw*  It’s okay, doll.  We both know what we’re up against now.

    Do we?  *Betsy chews on her lip*  I’m not sure.

    Well, regardless of this Voice thing, you know that you need to start writing again.  Right?  *Harry glares at her sternly*

    Yes.  *Betsy nods*  Looks down*  And the Voice was right.  I guess I knew I was making excuses to eat and not do my work.

    You’re only human, doll.  But let’s get going.

    Can I shower first?  The sugar I have sticking all over my body is icky.  And I might attract ants.

    Of course.  *Harry jumps down to the floor*  And I’ll get the Muse propped up with a cup of coffee.

    *Betsy nods*  Sounds like a plan.  *Smiles*  Thanks for coming to get me.

    Any time, kiddo.

     

    But is that the end?  Has the Voice gone for good?  Has Betsy thrown it out of her brain?  Only time will tell…

     

     To be continued…

     

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