Betsy Horvath

Category: Five Words

  • Simplicity – Focusing on What’s Important

    Maybe, probably not, but maybe, you will recall that I’ve been sporadically writing a series here on the blog about  five words that I am using to try to build the house I am making for my life. These words are not goals in and of themselves. They are more like signposts, or structure, or direction. Or something.

    In my previous posts, I said that the five words I’m looking at are: Energy, Strength, Independence, Simplicity, and Creativity. They are in this order for a reason, and in my mind each word builds on the one that comes before.

    In my house, energy is the foundation. Strength is the floor. I said in the post about independence that I considered it to be the framework, the bones of the house we are building. However, I think that simplicity and independence must go hand-in-hand. Maybe I should think of them as twins.

    Come play with us…

    Independence and Simplicity work together to provide the structure of the house. They are the two-by-fours, siding, shingles, and roof. Independence faces outward, guarding against the external forces that try to swamp you. Simplicity faces inward, asking you to consider your expectations of yourself and what you think is required to be successful.

    Independence says, with respect for others, you must to go your own way. Simplicity tells you that in order to do that, you must focus on what’s actually important. You must concentrate on the essential steps required to do what you want to do and disregard all of the noise. This is easier said than done.

    Maybe you have an idea, a good idea. It is very easy to build on it and build and build  until you’ve lost sight of what you originally planned. Or maybe you can see a vision for your future, but in chasing the dream you get pulled down into a twisting maze of confusion until you stop running because you can’t find your way back to make your future a reality.

    Or maybe you forget to be independent. Maybe you listen to the myriad of voices desperately trying to convince you that you need to change more, or be more, or buy more. Those voices that convince you that you are not enough and you need to do more and more and more to be successful. If you listen, you may find yourself constantly running, adding, building, and forget what it was you were trying to do in the first place.

    It’s so easy to overlook what’s actually important. It’s easy to ignore the simple things. It’s hard to see what’s really essential when layers upon layers have been added on top of it. It’s like a roof that’s had new shingles put over old ones time and time again. To see the base plywood, you have to rip all of the old layers off.

    First, you have to consider what it is you really want to do. What were your original goals or dreams? As I mentioned in the last blog post, you have to challenge yourself and decide if the things you originally wanted to achieve are still valid.

    If those goals and dreams are still important, then what is essential to accomplish them?

    For example, if you think you want to be an independently published author, there are a few things you need. You need to have written a book or a short story or whatever. For publication, you need a cover and a sales blurb. You need a way to format your book or short story into an ebook, paperback, or audiobook. You need to load the book or short story onto different vendor websites (because we’re talking indie here). You need to tell people it’s out there so maybe somebody else will read what you’ve written.

    And that’s about it. There are a few different steps for someone who wants to be a traditionally published author, but it’s basically the same.  Write the thing, get the thing out there, tell the people about the thing. Although there’s definitely a learning curve, at the core it’s relatively straightforward.

    But it can get pretty complicated pretty darned fast if you let it. You can get caught up in worrying about publishing strategies and whether it’s better to be exclusive with Amazon or go to all of the vendors, or how you should price. You can obsessively track advertising click rates and sell-through and newsletter signups. You can spend all your time on social media or pursuing blog tours and reviews.

    But do you know what’s really important if you want to be a published author? You need to write a book or a short story or whatever. You need to publish it or send it to somebody else to try to get them to publish it. Then you need to do it all over again. That’s it. The rest is just window dressing. The window dressing might be useful, but not if it draws you down a rabbit hole into confusion. Keep it simple.

    This is not just true in writing, of course. It’s true everywhere. It is so easy to take something that you want to do, or that you need to do, and get pulled so far away from the basic heart of it that you don’t know where you are anymore.  It’s hard to remain focused on what’s important.

    That’s when we need to relax, take a deep breath, and look again.

    Simplicity means learning what’s important to YOU for where you’re at in YOUR journey and not getting swept away into complexity or confusion or competitiveness.

    So, look. What are you trying to do? What are the essential steps you need to take to do it?

    And then… go.

     

     

  • Independence – Find Your Own Way

    As you may, or may not, know, I’ve been writing a series of blog posts on five words I’ve identified as sort of sign posts for my life. These words are not goals in and of themselves. Instead they are the building blocks of the house I want to live in.

    Hmmm… Maybe the analogy would work better if I starting talking about building a ship instead of a house.  After all, once a ship is finished, it can be pointed in any direction, set sail to any horizon.

    But I don’t know how ships are built, so I’m going to stick with houses.

    The five words I’m working with are: Energy, Strength, Independence, Simplicity, and Creativity.  I feel like these words should be considered in this particular order because each one builds on the other. But I do have to say that in this past week, Creativity has gotten crafty (hah!) and switched places, so now it’s at the end (there’s a reason for this, which I’ll get to in a future blog post. Anticipation!)

    Regardless, it doesn’t matter for this week anyway because today we are going to be talking about independence.

    If energy is the foundation, and strength is the floor, I consider independence to be the framework of the house we are building. That’s because if you, like me, want to live life creatively and well, if you want to live life true to yourself, and do not want to necessarily conform to all the accepted norms society lays down for us, then the bones of your house must come from independence.  A strong sense of independence is the studs and siding and insulation and structure of your building. Or ship. Or whatever.

    What is independence? I think, in a lot of ways, it’s simply being stubborn.  Not arrogant. Still accepting the fact that you need to learn from other people. Still loving other people. Still working with your partner and/or the other people in your life, cooperating with them to get things done. But holding on to the person you are, no matter what you’re being told.

    Let’s face it, there are a lot of people in this world who want to tell you what to do. Entire industries have grown up around trying to convince you who you should be. Heck, our whole culture seems to be built on that idea these days. Look at Facebook and Twitter. Look at television and commercials. There are just so many people who want to tell you how to live.

    But just because they say it doesn’t make it true for you. And sometimes you have to be stubborn, and the framework of your house has to be strong, and you have to find a different way, especially when your path is not something that’s easily understood.

    What makes independence tricky, of course, is that at the beginning, whatever your beginning may be, you might need the advice. You might need people to tell you what to do. You might need them to lead the way. You might need to follow them. You have to listen and you have to learn because you probably don’t know enough right out of the gate.

    But at some point, you do learn, and you do know enough. That’s when you have to make sure that you are truly living out of your own center, and not just following someone for the sake of following them or because it’s easier or because you think it’s what you should be doing.

    For example, in the independent author community, there are tons of people who are more than happy to tell you what you should do to be successful.  Most of these people are wonderful and well-meaning. A lot of their advice can be incredibly valuable, especially when you’re just starting out.

    But sooner or later you–and I’m talking to myself here–have to decide whether or not the path they’re laying down is the right one for you.  Maybe it is, but maybe it’s not. Things that they’re telling you may have worked for them, but they may not be what you need to do.  It might be that you need to veer off and go your own way alone instead.

    It might be scary to be alone.

    That’s when you have to lean on independence and be stubborn and be strong and have energy. That’s when you have to remember that just because something has worked for a hundred people doesn’t mean it’s what you should do.

    Yes, you might find out you’re wrong. Yes, you might fail. But that’s okay, too. Because you will have failed sailing full steam ahead under your own power.

    So, I don’t know. But it seems like ultimately the only thing that will work for you–or, should I say, me–as a creative person is living your own life, following your own path, thinking your own thoughts, loving your own loves, being yourself, and evaluating what you come across through your own independent, stubborn, framework.

    Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

    Ralph Waldo Emerson

     

     

     

  • Strength – Say Yes to Life

    Strength – Say Yes to Life

    As you may know if you’ve read the blog recently, I’ve come up with five words to use to help give my life some direction.  These words are not goals in themselves, but they are guidelines I can use to help me make decisions and set priorities.  They are identification markers for what I think is important to me.

    In the first post about this, I noted that those five words were:  Energy, Strength, Independence, Creativity, and Simplicity.

    That is the order in which I think of them, too.  Each word builds on the last.  In my last post, I chatted a little bit about Energy, how I consider it to be the foundation of the house, so to speak. To me the building blocks of that foundation are: proper food, drinking enough water, movement, and getting enough sleep.

    So, first a check in on how I’m doing on the whole energy front.  The answer is a resounding… Meh.  I’ve been eating okay (mostly because I have lab work coming up so I have to eat okay to try to keep my numbers in check). I’ve also been drinking water, and moving around. Still,  my energy level has been much lower than it needs to be.

    Some of that’s because my blood sugar is still too high.  But mostly it’s because I am not sleeping nearly enough.  I seem to routinely be getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night instead of the 8 or more hours I need. So it’s becoming crystal clear to me just how important it is to get enough sleep if you think you’re going to accomplish anything whatsoever with your day.  Yes, there are other issues at play, but sleep is the biggee.  I definitely need to do better.

    But that’s a problem for another blog.  Today I’m going to chat about the second of the five words – Strength.

    When  I think about strength, I think of it as the floor of the house balanced on the foundation of Energy.

    Strength can mean many things, of course, but in my mind, it is not just physical.  Of course there is a physical component.  I would like to build my physical strength to accomplish some dreams and goals that I have.  And I have to build up my physical strength just to be able to sit or stand at a computer for long periods of time.

    But for the most part, I think of strength as more of a mental thing.  Or maybe emotional.  I think of it as perseverance.  Stick-to-it-iveness. Not taking “no” for an answer.  Not confidence, but the strength of will to keep going even if you are crippled by doubt and fear.  Stubbornness, if you will.

    Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

    Mahatma Gandhi

    Movement is not just physical, and neither is strength. It’s pushing through the blocks that try to keep you in place.  Using the energy from good food, good sleep, enough water, and the momentum of the movement, and kicking it up a notch. Not letting the barriers of fear and doubt stop you. Trust me, you can’t do that when you’re sleep-deprived.

    Determination. Focus.  That’s what I think about when I think of about strength. I guess in a way, it’s courage. The courage to keep going and not turn back.

    All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.

    Walt Disney

    And that’s where I’m facing my challenges, especially considering this time in the world, and in my life.  I find that I am being asked to re-commit to decisions I thought I had already made many times before. I’m being asked to push through doors and knock down walls my own doubts and fears are erecting.

    Basically, I think it is really easy to say “no” to life.  It’s really easy to be afraid and get boxed in, especially when the world is in turmoil. Strength is being able to say “yes” to life. Strength is being brave enough to embrace it, say yes, and jump.  And that willingness to say “yes” is the floor upon which we stand.

    Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.

    Steve Maraboli

    Then how do you build strength? How do you say “yes?”

    I suppose the simple answer to that is, you just do it. You just keep moving forward. No matter how slowly or haltingly, you push through. When you’re faced with fears and doubts, you keep saying “yes” to your life and jumping. You continue to persevere. You keep moving in spite of it all.  To put it bluntly, you are goddamn stubborn and refuse to give up or lay down until you’ve given it all you’ve got.

    So my action items so far are – proper food, enough sleep, enough water, move the body, stubborn perseverance.

    Next up is Independence – the framework of the house.

    For what it’s worth: It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.

    F. Scott Fitzgerald

     

     

  • Energy – Build a Strong Foundation

    Energy – Build a Strong Foundation

    As I mentioned in my blog post two weeks ago, I’ve been reflecting lately on the puzzle pieces of my life and how to put those pieces together to make the best picture for myself. It’s hard, because to know how the pieces fit together, you have to know how to assign priorities. You have to know what things actually are important, as opposed to the things you only think are important.

    I settled on five words to use to help me find a way to figure that stuff out. To be clear, these words are not goals in themselves. They are watchwords to help me put the pieces together. They are a way to help me build the house I want to live in. The edge of my puzzle, if you will.

    Anyway, the five words I’ve selected are:  Energy, Strength, Independence, Creativity, and Simplicity.

    So today we’ll chat a little bit about Energy, which is the first word, and the foundation for all the others.

    For a long time, I assumed that Creativity should be the foundation.  After all, living a creative life, and living life creatively is, I think, my overall objective.

    But during this time of quarantine and COVID and fear and isolation and dealing with other stressful happenings that were not related to the pandemic, I began to understand that having physical, mental, and emotional energy has to be the first step.  That I have to have energy before anything else will work in my life.  It can not be an afterthought, or a “nice to have.” It is the basic building block.  After all, you can’t take a step forward if you don’t have the energy to do it.

    It occurred to me that in my life, there are four key components to having energy – sleeping the appropriate amount, eating the appropriate foods, drinking enough water, and movement. And it also occurred to me that I’m not always that great at any of them, which might be a reason why feeling energetic can be a problem for me. Hmmmm… 

    If energy is the foundation of the house, then sleep is the foundation of the foundation.  Getting an appropriate amount of sleep every night is the first course of cinderblocks upon which everything else rests (pun – hah!).

    I suck at getting enough sleep every night.  I always have. Or at least I suck at getting enough sleep for my body.  I am constantly sleep-deprived.  I know people who are perfectly happy with five hours of sleep a night, but that’s not me. If I routinely get five hours of sleep, I feel like the walking dead.  I really need about eight or nine hours of sleep a night. but usually I only get six or seven.

    When I tried to figure out why this happens,  I realized it was because I don’t prioritize getting to bed early enough.  That’s okay now and then, and I can deal with it if everything else in my life is going okay.  But during stressful times, sleep has to be a priority if I want to be able to live my life to the fullest extent I can.

    Okay, sleep is important.  Check. The next rung up on the energy ladder is food.  Specifically, eating the food your body needs to feel its best.

    For me, this is complicated because a) I personally am a stress-eater, and b) when I don’t get enough sleep, my body drives me to eat sugary foods to try to produce the energy I need to handle the stress as well as the day-to-day tasks. And, as I’ve already said, c) I suck at getting enough sleep.

    Now, isn’t that special.

    After the initial high, sugary foods can sap anyone’s energy, but when you factor in the fact that I am diabetic, the sugary foods I’m driven to eat are basically poison.  The sugars strip me of the energy I’m trying to have, prompting me to eat even more sugar to compensate.  Which goes about as well as you might expect. But if I can keep my eating on a good path, my blood sugar moderates and I automatically have more energy.

    Just as a side note, I have experimented extensively over the past few weeks, and I can say with certainty that sugary foods eaten during a pandemic have the exact same effect as sugary foods eaten when we’re not in a pandemic.  FYI.

    Okay, great.  So, first priority – sleep.  Second priority – eat appropriately.  Next is drink enough water.

    Sometimes when I think I need sugary foods to have more energy, what I really need is a glass of water. I love me some coffee, but I can get dehydrated without realizing it. Then I am driven to look for the sugars because dehydration saps my energy. And another vicious circle is born.

    All right. So, sleep.  Got it.  Eat appropriately. Yup. Drink enough.  Fine. Then we come to the final course of cinderblocks making up my energy foundation – movement.

    One thing that has become very apparent to me during the last few months is the importance of movement.  Nothing special, just movement in general.  Getting up and moving around instead of sitting like a slug in your recliner.  Movement sparks energy, and energy begets energy.  More on movement in the strength portion of the proceedings.

    But that’s enough for today. That’s the foundation I’m striving for.  Appropriate sleep.  Appropriate food. Enough water. Movement. Those four things are the cornerstones supporting the house, so they have to be the first things I make time to do. Everything else–any other goals I might have–depends on them.

    Next, the floor of the house – strength.

     

  • Puzzle Pieces and Five Words

    Sometimes I feel like my life is a giant jigsaw puzzle with all sorts of puzzle pieces scattered on the floor around me.  The challenge is putting those puzzle pieces together to make some sort of a picture.  Which means there’s a lot of trial and error involved to find out how they fit.  Sometimes more trial.  Sometimes more error.  And sometimes I just pound the pieces to make them go together because that’s the way they SHOULD go! Goldarn it!

    Very often I think I know how to put the pieces together to make the perfect picture, pound them until they fit, and then go about my business.  Eventually it dawns on me that… “Heeeey! The reason things aren’t working is because I didn’t put the pieces together correctly.”  After all, forcing the pieces together might give you a picture that looks perfectly fine, but it doesn’t mean it’s right.

    And that’s part of the problem, isn’t it? With a regular jigsaw puzzle, you can see the picture on the box so you know what you’re supposed to end up with.  But in life, you kind of have to figure it out as you go.  The picture you make depends on the pieces you have.  And those darned pieces can be put together in many different ways.  So you try, and then you shift them around and try again.

    This is made even harder when the world is going through times like these.  And it’s also hard because a lot of times, you know that you do sort of need to do everything you’re thinking about.  Every picture you’re trying to make for your life seems valid.

    We have so many conflicting pieces all trying to get attention, and they can all seem to be equally important. Sometimes they ARE equally important.  How are you supposed to know what to do first? How do you know how to put the pieces together correctly?

    A lot of people try to use goals to give them order, but, as I’ve mentioned before, detailed goals don’t work for me.  If I have a goal, I tend to go out of my way to find a reason not to achieve it. Or I get overwhelmed.

    After spending a few weeks in quarantine trying to pound my puzzle pieces together with mixed results, I realized that I needed to get back to basics.  Not goals.  Not objectives.  Instead, I needed a baseline structure to start from.

    So, because I’m a word person, I came up  with a few words to help provide me with a direction. Words to help me figure out what’s important to me, and, perhaps more urgently, help me decide the order of importance of what I need to do. Then maybe I can figure out what to focus on instead of running around  like a muppet.

    So, I settled on five words that I like.  The order they’re in is important, too – although there is some overlap, each word builds on the one before.

    The five words I settled on are:  Energy, Strength, Independence, Creativity, and Simplicity.

    So, next week, we’ll chitter-chat about Energy, what it means for me, and why I put it first on the list.

    “If you don’t make the time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a LOT of time dealing with a life you don’t want.”

    Kevin Ngo