Betsy Horvath

Category: Miscellaneous Ramblings

  • Start With Today

    This isn’t exactly what I thought I’d be writing about this week, but, as we’ve seen this year, plans change.

    So, right around Tuesday last week, my life-train suddenly derailed.  Not a horrible derailment in the grand scheme of things, but a derailment nonetheless.

    I wish I could tell you it happened because of an exciting incident full of pathos and intrigue. But honestly, it was a surprise.  I, mean, I was doing good.  Chugging right along. Cars on the rails. All systems normal.  And then… then… BOOM.  Suddenly I’m in a ditch with my wheels spinning in the air.  Suddenly I’m deep, deep, DEEP into a reading binge that I couldn’t seem to find the will to stop, not sleeping AT ALL, eating like CRAP.

    Mistakes were made.

    And for the whole week, I accomplished pretty much nothing of any use. Including writing the blog post I thought I’d be writing.

    When I finally blinked myself awake on Friday, I found that I’d lost days of my life without anything productive whatsoever to show for them.

    I submit to you that I am a walking, talking, poster-chid for how something that is definitely good–reading–can also be the dynamite blowing up any good intentions. I’m not sure why I get obsessive about reading, but if I’m not careful, it can be a catalyst. Or an excuse. Or an escape. Maybe for you it’s shopping, or social media, or binge-watching Netflix, or playing video games.  I guess it doesn’t matter which obsession we choose, the end result is the same–days of our lives missing that we will never get back.

    That’s when the regret and guilt come.  So reliable I can set my watch by them.

    Generally speaking when I have an incident like the one I had this week, and the regret and guilt come, I respond in one of two ways.  Either I try to escape the consequences, so I go deep down into the rabbit hole again.  Or I try to make up everything I should have been doing all at once so that I can fool myself into believing I’m still on track.  Of course, then the pressure of trying to meet those impossible expectations has me breaking again. It’s a vicious cycle.

    So, as per usual, when I blinked my bleary eyes open on Friday morning, my first thought was – “AAAAHHHH!  I’ve wasted so much time!  I have to make it all up!  I have to do it all now! Go, go, go!”

    My next thought was, “You idiot! Look at all the time you’ve wasted. Well, you might as well just keep reading.  No point in trying now.”

    But then, something that is not usual happened.  Either my brain short-circuited, or I had an epiphany.

    I suddenly thought, “You can’t make it all up and you can’t avoid it.  It’s not possible.  That time is gone and putting unrealistic pressure on yourself will not bring it back.  Trying to escape the consequences of your decisions won’t make them go away. You might want to turn back time, but you can’t.

    All you can do is start where you are.  Move forward from where you are.  Start with today.  Okay, it’s not Monday now.  It’s not Tuesday, Wednesday or even Thursday.  Forget the goals you had for those days.  Those days are gone.  What were Friday’s goals?  Start with them.”

    Huh.  Start from where I am?  Go figure.

    Deep breath.

    The things I wanted to do during this past week still need to be done.  So they’ll go on the schedule for next week.  But next week I’ll have the experience of the past week to look back on as a warning for where I stepped wrong.  I think I can see where the train went off the rails now, so if I feel that same wobble, I’ll know to beware.

    The train will go off the track again, it’s inevitable.  But I can’t go backwards and try to make it all up.  That’s impossible.  We can’t turn back time.  We can’t change the past.  We can’t avoid the present. All we can do is press forward into the future and try to make better decisions next tune.

    As you think, you travel; as you love, you attract. You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you. You cannot escape the result of your thoughts, but you can endure and learn, can accept and be glad.

    James Allen

    PS – The whole time I was writing this post, I had Cher’s song, “If I Could Turn Back Time,” going through my head. The lyrics don’t exactly fit what I’m talking about here, but, hey.  I see no reason why I should be the only one with an earworm, so, here’s the video.  As a side note, it’s been a while since I’d seen it, so I’d completely forgotten that Cher, at the time a middle-aged mother of two, was dancing around on a ship full of sailors wearing what amounts to boots, stockings, a jacket, and a strategically placed black ribbon.  *bows low in awe*

  • Too Much of a Good Thing

    I am a voracious reader.  I always have been.  One of my clearest memories as a child (in first grade, I think) is lying in bed reading The Boxcar Children, and yelling to my mom asking her to tell me what the words meant when I didn’t understand them. Later in high school, I remember sobbing because I loved a book so much and I had to return it to the library.  We talked the library into selling it to us so I could keep it.  I still have it.

    I am a proud book nerd.  I probably love reading more than I love television, movies, video games, theme parks, or shopping. Except shopping for books.  If a book engages me, I am totally immersed while I’m reading it.  All freaking in.  Life outside the book ceases to exist for me.

    I especially love reading various types of romance novels.  Contemporary, romantic suspense, paranormal, sci-fi romance, doesn’t matter.  If I find an author and a series that I love, if the book has a story and a romance and characters that suck me in, I’m there.

    If I care about the main characters, I MUST see what happens.  I have to know how the MCs get together, what happens to shatter their world and how they go about rebuilding it.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried when the boy hurts the girl, or the girl hurts the boy (or whatever combination of boys and girls there happens to be in the book).  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve finished a book and then started it all over again simply because I wanted to experience the joy of the ending one more time.

    Sounds good, doesn’t it?  Considering I’m a romance writer and all.  Good thing I’m in love with the genre, eh?

    And it IS good.  Mostly.

    See, I’m also a completionist.  Some might even say I’m a wee bit…obsessive.  When I find an author who has a series I love, I start at the beginning and read through until I’ve finished all the books.  Nothing else matters.  Just the next book.  Just escaping into that world again and again and finding out what happens to those characters I’ve learned to love because those people are real to me.  Standalone novels aren’t AS bad, but a series?  A series where characters show up book to book and you really get invested?  Yikes.

    Reading that way is why I only got three hours of sleep last night (because I HAD to keep reading).  Reading that way is why I can’t announce that my own new book is up for sale this week in this blog post, as I’d planned (because it’s not done yet).  Reading that way is why my sink is full of dirty dishes, cat hair fluffs are all over the house, and the garden still needs weeding (because reading takes time).

    Yup, things went to hell in a handbasket this last week. I wasn’t working.  I wasn’t concentrating on my life in the real world.  I was reading obsessively.

    Then there’s the financial part—it’s soooooooo easy to overspend for ebooks thanks to one-click purchasing.  At least I read ebooks almost exclusively now and they tend to be cheaper than paper books.  But even if you’re careful about the price of the books you’re buying, it doesn’t help much if you buy 20 ebooks at a time.

    And you don’t get much accomplished in your real life if you read all 20 books in a matter of days.  Like I did.

    (Just as an aside—I don’t have Kindle Unlimited or one of the other subscription services.  I want the books I want when I want them and most of the ones I want aren’t part of them anyway.  I also like owning them so I can read them whenever I want to.  But for a reader like me, I certainly understand the appeal of a monthly subscription service.)

    Reading is a drug for me.  And reading might be a healthier drug than lots of other things I could be doing, but I simply can’t keep losing days and days and weeks of productivity to it.  I can’t have eyes that feel like sandy mush in my head because they’re so strained.  I can’t eat wrong because I’m so tired from not sleeping (because I was reading) that my body is screaming for the energy of carbs.

    I can’t.

    Don’t get me wrong – I WANT to.  But I can’t.

    So now what?

    It’s hard to have a compulsive personality on a good day, but something like this is when it’s the worst.  Reading IS essential to me not only as a person but also as a businessperson.  I ain’t giving it up.  Reading is my soul and, also, if I’m writing romances, I need to read them.  But, obviously, I need to establish some boundaries.  That means I’ll have to set up a schedule.

    Which sucks.

    Time limits are going to be a necessity most days.  So are alarms and being aware of how long I read at night.  Not getting so involved I forget the time.  At least my Fitbit can do timers.  I’ll also have to change my thinking so reading is a reward after work is finished instead of a treat before I start.

    Sigh.

    And there, my friends, is the story of why I can’t announce my new book this week. Let this be a lesson to you. It really is possible to have too much of a good thing.

     

     

     

  • Order and Planning and Schedules

    One of the most jarring things about losing an established routine is having to come up with a new one to fit completely different circumstances.  I’ve found it to be very challenging to move from an extremely regimented life, where schedules were imposed on me from the outside, to one that is a lot more self-generated, self-motivated, and self-sustained.

    This is still very much a work in progress—I’m bumbling around to see what works and what doesn’t.  It’s hard to go from a life with very clear cut boundaries to one that is a little more free form.  I mean, you actually DO have to get things done to meet your goals.  Freedom is great, but only if you actually take advantage of it.  As opposed to, say, watching Netflix.  Or so I’ve been told… *cough*

    It’s even more challenging if you happen to be a woman of a certain age who’s short term memory is, shall we say, inconsistent.

    All of this means I’ve been needing something to help keep me in line, help me keep things in some kind of order.  Otherwise, I’ll be lost.  Either I’ll forget what I need to do completely, or I’ll remember it all at once.  Then I’ll feel like I have to do everything at the same time before I lose track of it again.  And that’s overwhelming.

    It’s especially true because there are a LOT of plates to keep up in the air in this writing / publishing biz. It’s really easy to lose track of it all.  Add in regular life tasks and expectations and…boom.

    Chaos.

    Ergo…schedules.  Planning.

    But, just as I’ve learned the hard way that writing using too strict an outline doesn’t really work for me, I’m learning that being too slavish to a schedule doesn’t exactly work for me either.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with a detailed schedule.  I know people, good people, who have their entire lives mapped out in a day-planner, right down to the minute.  I know people, good people, who actually live by those schedules.  These are organized people. Focused people.  People to be admired.

    I, my friends, am not one of those people.

    Oh, no, no, no.  I am a stubborn little Hungarian-Pennsylvania Dutchwoman.  I am Paprika Spice.  You give me too many detailed schedules and plans and I will go out of my WAY to show you that I don’t need no stinking schedules!  Those stinkin’ schedules are goin’ DOWN, yo!

    Even if I’m the one who set up the schedules and made the plans and deadlines.  Even if the only one who’s hurt by breaking them is, well, me.

    Yeah, cause that’s the way I ROLL!  What, what!  *makes finger guns*

    And this, children, is the sad story of my life.  I know I need order and planning and schedules to reach my full potential, and yet I remain determined to break out into chaos at the first possible opportunity.

    Another problem is that calendars also don’t work for me.  I think it’s the detailed schedule bit.  I see something written on a calendar, and I immediately feel like I need to ignore it or push it.

    Which is not exactly the point of the exercise.

    Until recently, I was using steno pads to keep track of things.  I had them scattered all over the house.  All of them had lists.  Lists and lists and lists.  And that’s fine…except when you have five steno pads, all with their individual lists, and the same items listed in all five places.  Not to mention that they tend to get buried under assorted detritus only to be unearthed months, nay, years later.  Not helpful.

    So I recently started using Google Tasks. It’s been going pretty well, so far.  I loaded the app on my phone and can access it from my desktop as well.   Google Tasks feeds into Google Calendar, so if I need to see things in a calendar format, I can.

    Google Tasks works for me because it is basically a to-do list like the ones I was writing and leaving scattered all over my house.  But now everything’s in one place and I can assign dates and make them recurring in various iterations.  Then I can view the various tasks in date order.  When I think of something I need to do, I can add it immediately to the list and then promptly forget about it, knowing I’ll be reminded when I need to do something.

    It’s not a perfect app by any stretch of the imagination.  I REALLY don’t like how the recurring tasks are hidden until the day they occur unless you look at Calendar (it makes it easy to over-book a day).  But so far it hasn’t triggered my inner schedule-buster.  Betsy…SMASH!

    I have business and personal tasks all on one list because at this point my business IS my personal and both need to be accounted for in the same 24 hour period.

    We’ll see how it goes.  Either way, I am determined.  I WILL have order! I WILL!

    And maybe I’ll even be able to meet deadlines.

    Because I’ll remember what they are.

    I hope.

     

     

     

  • Back Again

    Hello, my dears!  My, but it’s been a long time since I’ve posted, hasn’t it?  Sorry about that.  One reason I’ve been delayed is that I keep thinking I’ll write a funny little story-post with the Muse and Harry and Skipper and all the rest.  Then time slips away and I don’t do it.  This week I decided to give up on the grand schemes and just write something.

    But don’t worry!  Harry shall return.

    It has been a strange, strange summer.  As you may know from one of my last posts, my day job was eliminated in May, but I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to keep working at my company for a while.  Subsequent events proved that the company itself was going through upheaval, and now nothing is certain.

    But nothing is ever certain, is it?

    Anyway, I spent a great deal of mental energy this summer dealing with the situation and trying to decide what the best way was for me to respond to it.  In the midst of all that I also had to write resumes, get on LinkedIn, and do the multitudes of mundane work associated with uncertainty.  It took time and energy and maybe I’ve been a wee bit anxious, which kills creativity and wrecks sleep patterns.

    After stewing and stewing, I began to work out the best solution for me, which has been a great weight off my mind.  It may not be your plan, it may not be a good plan, but it is a plan.  Plans can’t be overestimated in my opinion.

    Getting that weight off my mind bumped my writing back into high(er) gear.  I’m proud to say that I kept working on my latest book through it all, but progress was slower than I wanted it to be, thanks to upheaval and stewing and resume-making.  There were also some other things thrown in there for good measure–like finding out one of my cats has cancer and trying to deal with my credit reports.  (The cat is doing well so far, the credit reports are frustrating).

    Making a decision on how I wanted to proceed day-job-wise let me put focus back on finishing my book.  I’m pleased that as of this writing I am about 85% finished with the next Hardy Falls book.  Although I’m at the phase in the proceedings where I doubt everything I do, I am soldiering on.  After I finish, I have to run it through a grammar program and then it will be ready to go to the editor, assuming the editor can take it (considering it’s about three months late).

    The Hardy Falls novella coming after this is already written and needs to be finalized.  Since it’s half the length of the book I’m working on now, and not quite as complicated, I’m hoping I’ll be able to knock it out more quickly.  But I don’t want to jinx myself.

    More info on the book, including title and cover, to come.  Right now I’m just focused on getting the bloody thing finished.

    Regarding this blog.  I’ve gotten comments from people saying that they thought I had stopped writing it.  That is not the case – I just got derailed for a bit.  I expect there will be regular (or at least semi-regular) blog posts now that I’ve gotten going again.  So much mental angst to expose to the world!

    The newsletter, too, has been derailed.  If you’ve signed up for it and have noticed the monthly newsletter has been conspicuously absent for the last couple of months, I do apologize.  I’m going to get one out this week, and then get back on a regular routine with that as well.  I’m contemplating sharing an unedited excerpt from the book I’m working on in this month’s edition, so stay tuned!

    And I wanted to thank everyone for their support and good wishes and patience during this time.  Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug.  I got a little splattered over the last couple of months, but I’m pulling myself back together.  One inch at a time.

     

     

     

     

     

  • The Search For A Blog Post

    Once Upon A Time, not so very long ago (this afternoon, in fact), there was a girl named Betsy who was sitting in front of her computer desperately seeking a blog post.

    Betsy strove mightily to put out a blog post at least once a week. But, alas, The Sickness had descended upon her and hit her and knocked her asunder for several weeks and so she flaileth.

    And, lo, The Sickness had been a mighty and terrible foe, but Betsy had at last fought it into a corner and was now struggling to pick up her life again.  Verily, she hath determined that she would in no way sink into a sea of snot and lethargy.

    However, despite flailing mightily, this afternoon Betsy could find no blog to post. She rifled through the dim recesses of her mind, and yet could not chase a blog post from the thickets. She searched the air, and could not see a blog post flying overhead. She searched the depths of the wine-dark sea, and saw many creatures, but no blog post. Or at least, not a blog post that was obvious and easy to catch.

    “Alas!” she cried, wrist to forehead, head flung back, “Whatever shall I do? If I do not have a blog post by this eve, I shall skip yet another week and will wake up in the morning feeling hatred towards myself and my poor uncreative mind!”

    “Thou must not hateth thyself when a blog post dost not come, for lo, many blog posts hath come before, and many more will come in the future. Another will appear. Sometimes that is just the way things goeth.”

    Startled, Betsy looked to her left and saw a large white rabbit dressed in the jaunty costume of a minstrel. His tri-cornered hat was decked with bells that jingled, and he was carrying a tambourine with ribbons upon it.

    “Good day, sir,” she said. “I know you, do I not?”

    “You do,” the rabbit affirmed. “For I am Sir Harold the Wise.”

    “Sir Harold?” Betsy frowned, her mind much confused. “Art thou not the Guide on my Quest to become a successful independent author?”

    “I art,” the rabbit nodded. “But just as Alice followed a White Rabbit to find Wonderland, I will also lead you to many strange places.”

    “You wilt?” Betsy clapped her hands together in glee. “And wilt thou help me to find a blog post for this eventide? For, lo, I have searched everywhere within my brain and without, but one does not appear. At least, not one that is obvious and easy to catch.”

    Sir Harold shook his tambourine. “T’would be my pleasure, my lady!”

    “Such awesomeness wouldst be much appreciated!”

    Together the two sat at the computer looking through files. Then they wandered into Betsy’s mind, as Sir Harold was much familiar with the landscape.  They searched the fields and woodlands. Finally, they dove into the deep lake at the center of Betsy’s mind to see what they could see.

    But, lo, although they saw many fine visions and ferocious creatures and a few things that really cannot be spoken of aloud, they did not see a blog post. Or at least they did not see a blog post obvious and easy to catch.

    At last, winded and burdened, they returned to the computer.

    “Alas, I see nary a blog post!” Betsy cried. “Whatever shall I do, Sir Harold? I must needs give up!”

    And Sir Harold raised a finger and looked exceedingly stern. “Just because a blog post is not obvious and easy to catch dost not mean it is not there. Thou must not quit. Quitters never win, and winners never quit.”

    Betsy pouted and crossed her arms. “So sayest thou.”

    “Indeed I do, my lady!” Sir Harold shook his tambourine again. “Dost thou have any thoughts at all? If so, please tell me what they are.”

    Betsy frowned. “Mayhap I should write about excuses and how I have so many of them? Or how I have anger, or, indeed, feelings of woe towards my own poor person? In truth, I have many feelings that I do not express.”

    “That I doubt, my lady.” Now Sir Harold shook his head, making the bells on his hat ring. “And, lo, thou didst just complain last week. More would be whining.”

    “True.” Betsy thought. “Mayhap I should write about my feline companions and the roundworms that do not go away?”

    “Nay, for I fear many will not care for such a subject.”

    “True.” Betsy thought and then snapped her fingers. “Ah hah!” she exclaimed.

    “What seest thou?” Sir Harold demanded.

    “I shall write about this adventure, my friend!” Betsy told him. “I shall write about my search for a blog post and how I did not find one, and how you came to help, and how we did not find one.”

    Sir Harold thought and nodded. “Mayhap t’would be best. But what will be the moral of the story? For even a lowly blog post must have some kind of a point.”

    Betsy smiled upon him and opened a blank page on her computer. “That even when you think you have not found something, oft times you have. It’s just that you do not know that you have found it and so you walk away.”

    “And that a blog post can be whatever you want it to be, even if it is, in the end, about nothing,” Sir Harold added.

    And Betsy doth smile.

    “Indeed, Sir Harold. Indeed.”

     

  • Print News and Other Newsy-News

    Computer ReadingHello, my friends!  I thought I would write another chatty, newsy little blog post, because I actually have news to chat about!  And that, as we all know, is so rare an occurrence that it must needs be celebrated.  So, I’m going to try to ignore the incredibly persistent fruit fly determined to fly up my nose and persevere.

    Just as a side note, is there anything more annoying than a persistent fruit fly?  I don’t think so! *pfffff*  Gah!  I think I just snorted a fruit fly!

    Okay, back to business.  First of all, you may have seen on my Facebook page (or more likely, since it’s Facebook, you didn’t see it), “Handling It” is now available as a print book.  HOORAY!!!!  Man, I’m telling you, I thought getting that thing set up was going to kill me, but it’s finally done.  It’s what they call a “trade-sized” paperback, so it’s one of those bigger paperback books because we independent folk can’t easily put out the regular mass-market size (yet).  For what it’s worth, I’m very pleased with how it turned out.

    If you are a print book fan, the paperback version is now available at Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, and BooksAMillion.com (among other places).  You should also be able to special order it from your local bookstore using the ISBN number 978-1-943725-01-4, if you are so inclined.  I sincerely doubt you will find it stocked in a physical bookstore, but perhaps, eventually, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.  🙂

    print book
    Well, I had to get a couple of copies, didn’t I?

    You may remember that I was chattering about the possibility of selling the paperback direct from my website.  I’ve decided against that at the moment for a lot of reasons – lack of time and needing to keep inventory on hand being chief among them.  And now that I’m feeling more secure about availability, it’s not as big an issue.  I’m still mulling over the whole selling direct thing, though, so more to come on that in the future.

    Second, I wanted to let you know that the monthly newsletter I’ve been blathering on about for months will FINALLY be starting up on September 15th (assuming I can figure out how Mail Chimp works).  If you’d like to join me, you can sign up to receive it by clicking here.  This is still a work in progress, but the goal of the thing is to make it something fun for all of us.  Otherwise, why do it?

    I’ll be including stories from the Hardy Falls Gazette (the online newspaper spearheaded by Hardy Falls librarian Mathilda Gregory, and reprinted with her grudging permission), short stories exclusive to the newsletter, and other stuff I haven’t thought of yet.  Will I succeed?  Will I fail miserably?  Will I at least meet expectations? Only time will tell!!  It’s like a genre writer reality show!

    Finally, I wanted to let you know that I’ll be blogging more regularly again – I  promise. The posts will be a little shorter (most of the time), but I want to get back on schedule.  Harry, Muse, Skipper, and the rest will all be back on Sunday as we start a new mini-series – “Objectives”.  I’m thinking that the regular blog post day will be Sunday, but I’m hoping to post some Wednesdays as well.  I’ll also be primping the website a little bit, giving it a new hairdo, adding some info about works in progress, that sort of thing.

    Oh, and I’ll be writing.  Can’t forget the writing!

    So, I hope you stick with me!  It should be fun. 🙂  And thank you for reading my blog!

    And now, I’m off to kill me some fruit-flies…

    Butterflies
    Butterflies are prettier than fruit flies.