Our story thus far….
Mavis, Betsy’s inner Mary-Poppins-like career consultant sent by the International Muse Council, has determined that Betsy will be too much work. However, before she flies off into the sunset, she provides Betsy with another Guide – a white gerbil named Harry. Yes, whereas in mythology most seekers setting out on life-altering quests are led by a white stag or a white rabbit, Betsy got an albino gerbil.
Harry has been settling into Betsy’s brain for three days now, and he’s just called a meeting. Let the quest begin!
*Betsy enters her brain* Harry? Where are you?
*Harry scampers in from behind the frontal lobe* Hey, doll. Glad you could make it.
*Betsy gestures* What is all this?
All what?
All the new furniture. That sofa wasn’t here before. Is that a flat-screen TV? And a huge gerbil habitat with towers? What the hell?
Hey, I might as well be comfortable, right?
How did you even buy it all? And get it in here? Most importantly, how did you pay for it?
Obsessia helped me. *Harry runs up a tower and emerges to stand on a platform at the top.*
Obsessia? Who the heck is Obsessia?
I don’t know, she lives in here somewhere. *waves paw vaguely* Nice broad, but seems a little intense, if you ask me.
Oh. You must mean the Muse. But her name isn’t Obsessia.
Nah, your Muse is pissed at me so we haven’t really spoken. Anyway, forget all that. Just park it on the sofa, why doncha. Take a load off and we’ll talk, huh?
*Betsy perches on sofa, a little weirded out by the fact her brain appears to be occupied by strangers* I’m going to have to find out who this “Obsessia” is. She’s living in my brain, after all.
Yeah, whatever. *Harry pulls a tiny tablet computer from a hidden pouch*
*Betsy stares, distracted* Is that…do you have an iPad?
It’s a knock off special for Quest Guides. Called the “Q-Pad”. It’s got a ton of custom apps and is designed for those of us without opposable thumbs, if you know what I mean. *Harry taps a few things on the tablet with one tiny paw* *Looks up at Betsy* Okay, so let’s nail down this whole quest thing.
*Betsy settles back on the sofa, ready to change the subject* I’m anxious to get started.
*Harry taps some more* Okay. What kind of quest are you starting out on?
*Betsy stares at him* Don’t you know?
I know that you want to be an author, but what’s the QUEST?
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Oh, come on! *Harry looks exasperated* What do you want out of this gig? Fame? Fortune? Yeah, everybody wants fortune, right?
Well, I want to tell stories. I like telling stories.
Uh huh. *Harry taps* And…?
I want to enjoy myself.
*Harry waits, then glares up at Betsy when she doesn’t say anything else* Is that it?
*Betsy shrugs* Pretty much.
*Harry tosses the computer tablet aside and rises to stand on his hind legs* *Frowns as only a gerbil can* What kind of a quest is that?
Sorry.
Okay, okay. *Harry drops to all fours again and begins to pace back and forth on top of the tower* I’m here to Guide you and I’m going to freaking Guide you.
That would be nice.
But it’s freaking hard to Guide someone who doesn’t even know what their freaking quest is.
I just told you what it was.
*Harry snorts* Please. That’s not a quest. That’s some kind of a half-assed wishy-washy dream.
*Betsy straightens* Hey, buddy, that’s MY wishy-washy dream.
WhatEVER. *Harry flips it away with one paw* The point is, you can’t go on a quest if you don’t have a goal. How the heck will you know if you ever get there?
*Betsy considers* I guess you’ve got a point.
Of course I’ve got a freaking point. I’m a freaking Guide, aren’t I?
Um, yes?
Damn right I am. *Harry paces some more then seems to come to a decision* *Turns and faces Betsy* Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to break for a couple of days. You’re going to go off and think about what you want out of this whole writing deal.
I just TOLD you! *Betsy leaps to her feet* And I’ve told Mavis. And the Blogosphere. I want to have fun!
Well of course you freaking want to have fun. You think people write because they want to have a root canal?
*Betsy calms a little bit* I guess not.
Course not. *Harry stands upright again and scowls at Betsy* So you go away and think about what you want. I’ll think about the different paths. Then we’ll get together and start talking about some of this crap to try to work it out. Got it?
*Betsy scratches her head* Yes?
Good. *Harry folds his little arms and nods* Oh, and I signed up for cable. You’ll get the bill next month.
Now wait a minute–
You don’t want me getting bored, do you? Just think about the racket I can make if I run on my wheel at one o’clock in the morning.
Good point. *Betsy considers* Okay, cable is fine, but no pay per view.
Yeah, yeah. *Harry settles down on his haunches *brings up Candy Crush on his Q-Pad.* You’d better get going. You’ve got a lot of thinking to do. Just don’t do it too loudly. I need my freaking beauty sleep.
*Betsy turns to go* I can’t believe I’m being intimated by my gerbil Quest Guide.
And bring me some more lettuce! *Harry calls after her*
*Betsy sighs* Sure.
*Betsy leaves the post*
To be continued….
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