Category: Writing

Start Again

Uh oh. We haven’t heard from Betsy in quite a while. That can’t be good. What in the world has been going on with her? Has she fallen down a rabbit hole again?

Let’s see….

*Betsy sits alone in an empty room* *A Dark Voice echoes against the walls*

Food…spend…eat…you know you want to…

No. *Betsy shakes head to clear it*

One more time. Trust me. You’ll start again tomorrow. You’ll be better tomorrow. Play video games today.

No. *Betsy sounds less certain* I gave in yesterday, and the day before that, and, okay, maybe the day before that, but I won’t give in today. I want to write. I want to live.

Please. You haven’t done anything for months. But that’s okay. You deserve a break. You deserve to take it easy. You’ve got a lot on your plate. Besides, you already screwed up today. There’s no point in even trying to start something until tomorrow.

Well…

One more day. One more dollar. One more pastry. What does it matter? You work hard. Aren’t you entitled to enjoy yourself?

Well…

And you WILL move forward. You’re just going to start tomorrow. What’s wrong with that? Take it easy. Relax.

*Betsy frowns* That sounds wrong for some reason.

*The Voice laughs, silky and smooth* You’re being too hard on yourself. Besides, you need to be in the right frame of mind to start a project, don’t you? You’re just setting yourself up to fail otherwise, aren’t you?

But…

Cut yourself a break. There’s a lot going on right now.

Well, yeah, but I haven’t written anything in weeks, not even a newsletter or a blog post.

You’re just taking a well deserved rest. You finished your book and got it to the editor AND you have the next book plotted out and ready to go. That’s fast for you. You’re being too hard on yourself.

Maybe. *Betsy chews lip* It’s just that I haven’t been getting home early enough to do any work because I’ve been out running around. And then because I’ve been eating stupid at night, I don’t wake up early enough to work. And even if I did wake up early enough, I can’t think or be creative because my brain and body are swimming in sugar and my head doesn’t work right. That seems wrong.

But then by the afternoon you know food and eating and spending make you feel better and warm and fuzzy. You feel in control of yourself and your destiny.

But it’s a lie! *Betsy throws arms wide* I’m not in control. You’re in control.

*Silence*

You’re in control, *Betsy repeats* Not me

Really? Who do you think I am? *The Voice sneers* Where do you think I come from? I AM you, idiot. I’m your reality. I’m what you know to be a fact. You know you’re just lying to yourself when you say you’ll move towards your goals. You’ll never do it. Never have. Never will. You’ll always fall back. You’ll never change. You’re just fooling yourself. Everyone will laugh at you. In fact, they’re laughing now.

*Betsy stares out at the gathering darkness* I’m afraid.

Of course you’re afraid. *The Voice laughs* Might as well eat cake because who the hell cares?

But I care. *Betsy murmurs* Harry cares. Skipper cares. The Muse cares.

Yeah? *The Voice sound smug* You really think the Muse cares? Haven’t heard her singing lately, have you?

Yes, I have. *Betsy speaks slowly* Just now, in fact. As I’ve been writing this blog post.

You’re writing a blog–

It’s like she’s been waiting for me to listen. And as soon as I gave her an opening, she was there.

You don’t–

You’re not my reality. *Betsy grimaces* Or not my only reality. The Muse lives inside me. Harry and Skipper do, too. I’m not alone with you. You are not everything I am.

That doesn’t mean anything. *The Voice sounds sulky* You listen to me more than you listen to any of them.

But they’re in me too. And all of my stories are in me, the ones I’ve written and the ones I haven’t. Maybe they’re not always good stories, but they’re mine and they’re inside me. And all of the people I write about are in me. All of the characters.

I don’t see what this has to do with anything.

There’s so much more to me than just you, Voice. *Betsy sits straighter* I’ve chosen to listen to you. But I don’t have to.

Oh come on. *Voice sounds seductive* Forget about this and have a danish. You know you want to. We can deal with all of this tomorrow. Just do what you want to do today. You deserve it. Tomorrow you can start with a clean slate.

*Betsy stares at the walls of the room* *Pictures start to appear* *Colors* I don’t have to be a victim. Not of other people’s expectations. Not of my own insecurity. I don’t have to listen to you, Voice. I can make other decisions.

Seriously. Lets go to the store and you can get a new toy or a book or something. And we’ll get a sandwich. No biggee. You can start all of this improvement stuff tomorrow. Take time to get your head together first.

I can choose to be different. I don’t have to be the way I have been. I have the tools. I have the talent. I can be better than I was. Better. Stronger. Faster.

Ahhhhhhh!

*Betsy draws in a breath*

I just have to be brave enough to be who I am.

Finally. That took you long enough.

Muse?

Who else? Come on. We’ve got a lot of work to do. It’s a nice day to start again.

To be continued…

January 31, 2016
Trust and Rewriting

*Betsy sits at her desk* *Taps fingers on keyboard* *Chews lip* *Looks around room* *Opens computer file*

Whatcha doing?

*Betsy jumps* *Straightens in her chair* Muse? Is that you?

Who else? *Muse pets cats* *Cats do not claw, but purr and roll over to allow Muse to pet their bellies* *Muse walks over to Betsy* *Props hip against desk* So? What are you doing?

*Betsy runs finger along front edge of desk* Thinking.

Oh, Jeeze. Don’t do that. You’ll hurt yourself. *Muse strolls over to recliner* *Sits and props feet up* You know I can’t help but notice you’re not as happy as I thought you’d be at this stage of the game.

I’m happy! *Betsy chews lip some more*

Could have fooled me. What’s going on? I mean, the book is basically finished, right? Just one more polish read-through and then off to the editor, assuming you don’t find anything major. Booyah! *Muse pumps her fist*

Yeah, but–

*Muse gets up and walks back to Betsy* This is what you’ve been working for. It’s finished! Well, mostly finished. And even though you didn’t set any records writing the thing, it’s a new personal best, especially since you freaked out and had the mess of getting Handling It published right in the middle there. It’s a good start on–

It sucks.

–your…. *Muse blinks* Excuse me?

I think it sucks and I want to rewrite it.

Uh, huh. *Muse crosses her arms and studies Betsy* Sooooo…..why do you think it sucks?

Because it does! *Betsy throws hands in the air* *Gets up* *Starts to pace around living room* I can just feel that it does. It’s terrible and I’m terrible and I’m a total and complete failure and everyone will laugh at me. I have to rewrite it! No, I have to rip it all apart and start again!

*Muse grabs Betsy’s arm and pulls her to a stop* Now, hold on there little trooper. Just calm down.

I HAVE TO REWRITE! *Betsy shouts*

Have you even read it? I mean, from start to finish, all the way through. Have you looked at the whole thing now that it’s basically finished?

*Betsy scuffs foot on carpet* No, but–

So how can you judge it? *Muse sighs* You have to believe in yourself. You have no idea if it’s good or not at this point.

But–

*Muse shakes Betsy a little* And you have to trust me, trust the path we laid out at the beginning.

But–

*Muse shakes Betsy a little harder* AND if you rewrite this story, if you start over again, you lose THIS story. You’ll have a new story after you’ve rewritten it.

*Betsy pouts* That’s kind of the point.

*Muse throws up her hands and paces away* *Paces back* But what if this story is actually good? You’ll lose it, and you’ll lose the year it took you to write it. That’s just stupid.

*Betsy scowls* But what if its not good?

You have to trust the story. *Muse sighs* *Rubs the bridge of her nose* Look. You’re right. It might not be the best thing you’ll ever write, but it’s probably not that bad. And if you spend all of your time rewriting to try to be perfect–which you never will, by the way–you won’t be writing one of the other stories you have in your head.

*Betsy scowls* *Folds arms across chest* But I have to make it the best it can be.

Oh, absolutely. But that doesn’t mean rewriting the same darned story over and over again. At some point you have to let it go and move on. Fly free, little bird.

*Betsy’s scowl deepens* And just….trust. You know I’m bad at that.

*Muse sighs* You have to trust the creative impulse. It led you to where you ended up. You have to trust yourself and your own desire to bring the story out the best that you can. It might be that you’re not talented enough or good enough or experienced enough to bring it out perfectly. That’s only to be expected. But it will be the best we can possibly make it at this point in time. And when it is finished, we’ll start the next one. And the next one will be whatever it will be.

Great. *Betsy considers* So, you’re saying…don’t start over?

*Muse rolls eyes* Yes! That’s what I’m saying! Revision is okay, to a certain extent, to polish things up, but you can’t let it get out of control. If you keep starting the same thing over and over again, you’ll never get anything accomplished. You can’t keep rewriting this book because you’re afraid, or you don’t think you can do it again with a new book. If you want to be a professional, you’ll need to let things be finished without being perfect. You’ll need to be able to move on, not get stuck running in the same wheel.

O….okay. If you think so. *Betsy sits back at desk* *Opens computer file* *Starts to read* Hmmm…well…maybe it’s not as bad as I thought it was?

*Muse sighs* Right. You’re going to find that it won’t be as bad as you thought. And you’re going to find that it won’t be as good as you’d like. But it will be one thing.

What’s that?

It will be finished.

To be continued…

November 1, 2015
Commitment

I was on vacation from the day job last week. When I scheduled the week off, I intended to spend it writing, except for two appointments I had scheduled for my elderly mother.

Ah, the best laid plans…

By the time the week–my blessed week–finally arrived, it had somehow transformed into nothing more than a fun-fest of appointments. I had two, sometimes three appointments a day, and they weren’t short ones, either. I was having some medical testing done (don’t worry – everything seems to be fine), so on a few of the days I had to be at the hospital or outpatient center for hours at a time. I still had to cart Mom around to where she needed to go. I had to take the cat to the vet. I even had to sit at the DMV to renew my license. Not exactly the stress free time off I had planned!

Now, I did this to myself. These were things I needed to do, so I scheduled them when I had the time to do them–during my vacation. I’m the one who piled them all on top of each other, because I wanted to fit everything in. But when I realized I wasn’t going to be home very much during the week, and that the writing time I had anticipated had basically been thrown out the window, I got pretty depressed.

My traditional response to a week like this is to come to a full stop and eat myself into a stupor whenever possible. In other words, I try to escape. But I knew that I didn’t want to do that this time. And, most importantly, I knew it BEFORE it happened–not after it was all over (which is when I usually realize I don’t want to do what I have just done).

See, I feel like I’m starting to move forward with my over-arching goal: to write. To really be a writer. And I knew if I let a week like this stop me, I would be setting myself back. Maybe even unwinding some of the good steps I’ve taken.

So I knew I wanted to keep writing in spite of the obstacles. I told myself that I was committed. F*** them all, I was going to just keep moving forward, no matter what happened! Darn it!

Fortunately, I was at a point in the manuscript where I was writing some new scenes, not trying to revise (which would have been harder to do on the road). I bought a bigger purse so I could carry my little tablet computer and a stenopad with me wherever I went. And I wrote.

I wrote when I was sitting in waiting rooms, when I was in between tests, when I was waiting at the vet because I’d actually caught the cat early and we were there an hour before his appointment. I wrote when I was half-naked waiting for a machine to become available. People looked at me strangely as they walked past, and I’m sure they wondered what in the world I was doing. But I kept writing. Then, when I got home, I put whatever I’d done into the main document on my computer.

I have a budgeted amount of time I want to write each day. I did not hit the budgeted time every day, but I hit it ALMOST every day. I didn’t get done as much as I wanted to do, I didn’t get done as much as I’d planned to do, but I did get SOMETHING done. And, even more exciting for me, it turned out that what I wrote was actually pretty good. When I got home and put it into the manuscript, I didn’t need to do a lot of rewriting.

Plus, I didn’t even eat ice cream every day!

To be clear – I missed my deadline. My book did not get to the editor, as I had wanted it to when I’d scheduled the week. I didn’t even finish the draft I was working on. But I can’t express to you what a huge revelation this last week was for me. It was difficult, it wasn’t fun, but it showed me that I can do it, if I set my mind to it If I’m committed, I can survive even a week like last week. It might not always turn out so well – I’m sure I will stumble, fall, fail. But if I do it once, I can do it again.

Honestly, I’m a little nervous about writing this post because I don’t want to come off as braggy or set myself up for a fall or ruin any good karma I might have possibly gained. But I did want to share it because honey, trust me – if I can do it, anybody can.

Don’t let the obstacles stop you! Don’t let them send you running for ice cream! Keep going!

Mmmmmmm…..ice cream……

“Until one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative or creation, there is one elementary truth…that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves. too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in ones’s favor all manner of incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man would have believed would have come his way.

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it.”

― W.H. Murray

October 18, 2015
Checking In

Well, I just looked at the date of my last blog post and good golly Miss Molly, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Sorry about that. I’ve actually been busy working on writerly things. As opposed to just telling you I’m working on writerly things when really I’m eating myself into a sugar-coated coma.

Okay, maybe there have been some sugar-coated coma moments happening because – peanut butter ice cream. And maybe some diabetic moments. And a few mental, emotional, and spiritual breakdown moments. But mostly I’ve been working on writerly things. So I thought I’d write a quick post to tell you-all what’s been going on, writerly-wise.

After I posted Handling It to the major ebook retailer sites, I took a couple of weeks and built out a world map for the whole Hardy Falls universe. I learned the hard way with my first book that I need to do this when the characters are alive in my mind– not just assume I’ll remember all of the backstories I’ve created for them when it came time to write the next book.

My problem with a world map is always figuring out how to do it. Individual Word documents just don’t seem to work for me. With so many characters and stories, I lose track of where the documents are and what I’ve called them. If you can’t retrieve data, it’s not worth anything.

Plus, I’m a piler not a filer. Once I file something away, I forget it exists. This is as true on my computer as it is in my file cabinet (or file pile, as it were).

I found a program called Scapple, made by the people who make Scrivener, and it was a godsend. It’s like a virtual whiteboard where you can drop notes and text wherever you want on an ever-expanding page. Then you can link the notes together in various ways. That lets me find the different strings of thought, and then see how the stories and backstories relate to each other visually. And because I worked out dates and ages and all that kind of thing, I’ll be able to be consistent across books.

So, that’s good.

When I realized I was using the world map building as an excuse not to move forward, I made myself stop and turned to creating the print copy of Handling It.

Holy layouts, Batman! The print version took a LOT more time to create than the ebook version. I think that’s because the ebook version is really just a glorified webpage and there’s not a lot of personalization. There can’t be – everyone has a different device, and everyone’s device is set up differently. Not only must the book look different on an iPhone than it does on a Kindle Fire, but every reader has the ability to change fonts and sizes and that sort of thing. So the formatting for an ebook is stripped down to make sure it works everywhere.

But a print book requires a very particular format. The layout is written in stone, as it were. And it’s hard to know what the interior or the cover will actually look like when you hold them in your hand as a 5.5 x 8.5 book.

I bought a template so I could lay out the book and the cover in Word, and then use the Word documents to create the appropriate .pdf files. Since my book already was in Word, I thought it would save time. It didn’t.

Well, okay, I guess it kind of did because the margins and gutters and bleeds and fonts were all set up and ready to go, but it definitely wasn’t the “I’ll just pop my book in here and we’re good” experience I’d hoped for. Especially when I decided I wanted to change some of the formatting. If you’ve never entered the hell caused by changing style formatting in a Word template, count yourself lucky.

A lot of time.

But the print book is finally finished now, I think. I’m waiting for a print proof copy, and if all goes well it should be available for sale next week. I’ll post more info on that when I have it. Once it’s ready, you’ll be able to order a print copy of my book just like you can order a print copy of any other book.

In between wrestling with world maps and Word templates, I made sure Handling It was available as an ebook everywhere I possibly could. Now it’s up on Smashwords in addition to all of the other sites, which means it’s available in the Overdrive and Baker and Taylor library systems and can be ordered by libraries everywhere. It’s also available on Flipkart, which is the biggest ebook site in India, for what that’s worth. Actually, through all of the various platforms and systems, it’s available in 160 countries.

Wow, what a learning curve. It’s been extremely interesting, but it sure has taken time. On the other hand, I know that when I’m ready to publish my next book, I’ll have a better idea about what I’m doing and it shouldn’t take as long. That’s the goal, anyway.

So, now I should be able to blog regularly again, for those who care. Don’t worry – Harry, Skipper, The Muse, Coffee, and the rest of the gang will be back and better than ever. I’ll also be starting my monthly newsletter in the next couple of weeks – I was waiting until I plowed through some of this publishing stuff before I tried to figure out Mailchimp too. I hope you’ll join me – it’s going to be fun!

Along with the newsletter, I’m trying to decide if I want to sell direct. I don’t know – it could be a good idea, or it could open me up to a world of hurting. We’ll see…. I’m also thinking about production schedules, objectives, measurements of success, expanding into other genres, and, oh yeah, writing.

Why, I think I’ll go do that now.

August 16, 2015
There, And Back Again

My dears, I have climbed the mountain this week.

I chipped at the rock of Amazon Kindle, breaking off enough pieces to give me toeholds so I could start scaling the sheer cliff face.

I pored through the underbrush of Kobo, slithering into the hidden clearing, pushing my way through despite the thorns piercing my skin.

I was almost smothered by the dense, choking weeds of Nook, forced to take up my machete and slash the fronds that bound me whilst bellowing my battle cry.

I peered into the dark, mysterious caves of iBooks, finding my way through to the light on the other side guided only by a single candle and a good deal of cursing.

I forded the stream of All Romance eBooks, slipping on rocks whilst the racing water threatened to sweep me away.

Slowly, struggling, I climbed. I pushed myself to the point of collapse (and I mean that literally). But eventually I made it. I got to the top of the mountain. I planted my flag.

My book went up and is available as an ebook on all of the main stores, and some that aren’t so “main”.

Panting, sweating, I smiled at my flag with pride and joy.

Then I went home again.

That, I think, is the biggest mistake I made with “Hold Me” – and the biggest lesson I (hopefully) learned.

You have to push through all the way to the end. You can’t quit when you’re MOSTLY finished, or not QUITE there. You have to go all out, heart pumping, and cross the finish line.

But then you have to go home. You have to stop thinking about the book that’s out, and go to work on the next one.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy “Handling It” is available. I’ll be happier still when it’s also available as a print book (in a couple of weeks). Hearing that people have read it, that they liked it, makes me feel incredibly satisfied. I’ll even be happy when the bad reviews start to come in (if they do), because that will mean that people read something I’d written. I don’t even know some of the people reading it. How awesome is that?

But I have to go home again. I can’t stay standing on top of the mountain smiling at my flag. I can’t pull my flag out of the ground and wave around it wildly, trying to get the attention of the people on the ground. I mean, I CAN. I can stay on the mountain and flail around like a dancing monkey, if that’s what I want to do. But doing that won’t get the next book written.

One thing I realized over these years since “Hold Me” was published is this – for me, the important thing is climbing that mountain, planting my flag, coming home, and doing it all over again. That is how I will view myself as a success – not as a writer, but as a person. I have climbed, I have succeeded in climbing, and now I have returned to do it again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I gave myself the weekend off. Boy did I need it! I had to sleep, to get back into a healthier eating pattern, to read words I hadn’t written. And tomorrow I’ll be able to go back to work on Believing It, plotting out the next book, and setting up the print version of “Handling It”.

The air on top of the mountain is very nice. I want to be able to breathe it again.

June 28, 2015
It’s Always Something

Hello, my friends! I thought I would give you a quick update on how things are going as I walk the rocky path to the publication for my book, Handling It. Now that I’ve made a commitment to a date and all.

And that date’s coming right along.

Yup. Right along.

Pretty soon. Preeetttyy goldarned soon.

Eeep!

Okay, um, well I’m not going to think about it now. This is just about reporting what I’ve been doing. Or not doing, as the case may be.

By the end of May, I had finished the edits I’d gotten from the editor. After they were done, I thought I would read the manuscript again to make sure everything flowed properly. If you don’t know, when you do edits, you tend to focus on the details, but you can lose track of the big picture and how the changes you’ve made will impact the piece as a whole.

So, I started reading it again. I expected this to take a couple of days, as the intent was that it would be a quick thing. Because, you know, publication.

However, as I was reading, I found several scenes that struck me as wrong – out of place, discordant notes in the story, or just plain dumb. That’s the advantage of looking at something after it’s rested for a little while – you see things with fresh eyes. Some of these scenes had been in the manuscript since the beginning (so maybe I should have caught them sooner), but some of them didn’t fit in with changes I’d made, or had been questioned by the editor.

Anyway, the upshot of the whole thing was, my short little read-through turned into a bigger endeavor, culminating with a scene where I got completely stuck until I finally broke down and just cut it. It’s funny how your subconscious tries to tell you something and, if you don’t listen, it just shuts you down.

The good news is, I’m basically (finally) finished with the read-through. But, of course, now I’ve made some additional major changes so I shall have to read it AGAIN. Gah! But this time it will be very quick. It WILL!! *shakes fist at sky* (well, it kind of has to be, doesn’t it? Because, you know, publication…)

The other good news is, because I’m going independent, I have the flexibility to make changes right up to the publication date. But that’s not going to happen. Right?

Whilst grappling with these manuscript issues, I was able to set up vendor accounts with three of the major retailers – Kindle, Kobo, and Nook. I had hoped to have the book up for preorder by now, but since it’s not finished yet, that didn’t happen. I expect I’ll still get it up for preorder – even if it’s just by a few days (on Kindle and Kobo – Nook doesn’t allow preorders).

iBooks is another story. Because Apple is, well, Apple, the only way you can load a book to iBooks is through a Mac. Not even an iPad can do it (the publishing program doesn’t work on that operating system). I’ll be renting time on a virtual Mac site to load the book, but that will add to the learning curve. So, I hope Handling It will be available on iBooks on June 22, but it may be a few days later.

I also want to put the book on Smashwords because that’s a way to distribute to Overdrive (libraries) and FlipKart (the biggest ebook retailer in India), as well as Scribd, Oyster, and other places. Since Smashwords will only accept a Word document with strict formatting requirements, not an ePub file, that might be a few days later, too. I’m going to focus on the other four first.

And so what is the moral of this story? What have I learned in the last couple of weeks? I think it can all be summed up as: “no project is ever as finished as you think it is”, or “everything takes longer than you think it will”, or “nothing’s as easy as you think it should be”.

Or all of the above.

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June 11, 2015